All Entries in the "Depression" Category
History of Codependence
I was looking through old journals last night and came across a poem I wrote back in 2004. I have probably written about 3 poems in my whole life and in no way consider myself a poet, but I thought I needed to share it:
“Can’t Let Go”
I gain nothing from this but hurt and pain
so why do I feel the need to remain?
I want to be free from the ties that bind
But am afraid of what I then will find.
A reality that I have been abused
By willing letting myself be used.
I have given it my all, & they have confided,
But now I am alone & it was all one-sided.
I can see now how often I was disrespected,
Pushed aside and even neglected.
I thought I was helping and we had a connection,
But I can see it wasn’t so, upon reflection.
Now I am stuck & not even in control
And reality has started to take it’s toll.
Treated as un-important, this I know,
So I don’t understand why I can’t let go.
-Leslie- 11/11/2004
After reading the poem, I realized that before I even knew the word “Codependence” existed, I was aware that I was suffering unnecessarily. It is no wonder that I have struggled with depression my whole life. At some subconscious level I always knew that I wasn’t in healthy relationships and was allowing myself to be treated without respect. How can someone feel good about themselves when they know they are acting destructively? For this reason I feel it is important for me to develop a better sense of self-worth and work on overcoming my codependence so I will be in a better position to handle coping with my depression.
“Happy Wife: Happy Life”
Leslie decided to stop blogging for a while as she made new discoveries about herself and codependency. I took it as an opportunity to take a break also but as she has had several people contact her wanting to discuss symptoms and such I thought it might be time to put my two cents in again. Leslie has been awesome the last couple of months. Earlier in the year I was feeling the pressure and weight of her depression in our marriage. It was making me feel down and incapable of helping the person I really love. I felt overwhelmed and really didn’t know what I should do. What I did know was that our marriage will not be a productive and happy one if we don’t figure out how to overcome this problem. We escaped to Australia earlier this year to spend time with my family. For me it was a time to just do nothing and think about nothing. I was exhausted from work and from Leslie’s depression and other symptoms. Since coming home I believe that Australia trip to be a life changer. Leslie figured out that she was codependent and started to research and learn about it. She has been helping me understand it and watching her come to terms with her life experiences with determination to change the way she thinks has been inspiring. In addition to that she started trying acupuncture as a method to reduce her allergy symptoms. This treatment includes NAET principles of energy manipulation. The way I understand it is that your body is out of balance with things around you causing allergic reactions. Leslie is allergic to everything. Since starting these treatments she has been cured from eggs, milk, lactose and histamine. It makes me so happy to know that my Leslie is going to be able to be free from a vast majority of her allergies over the next few ears as she continues her treatment. In addition to these two different changes in her life there is a significant third- and that’s the sun, it came out.
I asked Leslie a week ago or so if she was depressed and she said no. I would have to affirm that statement. She hasn’t been acting depressed and I haven’t felt it effecting my moods negatively at all. She has been visibly happier which really puts a smile on my face. Is the journey still going to be difficult, you bet but at least we are heading in the right direction. I believe eliminating just 50% of her allergies will increase her ability to manage her depression. With her new found discoveries of codependency she is working at adjusting the way she thinks so she can become mentally stronger. I don’t know the role the sun plays in all of this but I know it helps so bring it on.
I’m hoping to have her completly cured of everthing by Christmas……is that to optimistic?
Starting Again
I have been a “blog-slacker” for the past couple months. I have been doing so much learning and growing that I don’t even know where to begin to share- so I just haven’t done anything. So typical of me- if I don’t think I can do it just right, I won’t do anything at all.
This week I was contacted by three quasi-strangers (or whatever you would call someone that fits between a “stranger” and an “acquaintance”) regarding this blog. They were each able to relate to my experiences on different levels. I think knowing you aren’t the only one out there feeling the way you do always helps us feel better, and I hope that my blog was able to make each of them feel a bit better. Their sincere comments have spurred me to action and I am ready to start blogging again.
I have several books I will be reviewing and recommending. I have some “ah-ha” moments and some “uh-oh” moments I will be sharing. I will also be bugging my husband Tareak to write several posts about his experiences over the past couple months.
Stay tuned!
“More than your biochemistry…”
This article was on the Psychology Today website. The author believes that “Depression is more a social problem than a medical one, and no purely biological cure will be found for it any more than biology alone will cure other social ills such as poverty or child abuse”.
I think this is an interesting theory and one that I definitely buy into. In the last month of improvements I’ve seen in my life, my medication dosages have not changed, but my attitude has- and this has improved my relationship with Tareak and my view of myself.
Let’s Expand Our View of Depression: You’re More Than Your Biochemistry
The costs of depression on a variety of levels are huge: Marriages and families splinter, individuals suffer, societies suffer the consequences of the often destructive behaviors of people coping badly or not at all with their depression, businesses suffer the negative effects of employees too disabled to function properly, the economic costs of greater health care expenses are greater for depressed patients, and there is the tragedy of suicide – lives lost to despair and apathy. Depression is a terribly disabling disorder, and despite significant advances in treatment, the problem continues to grow.
Depression is a multi-dimensional disorder. It has biological components based in genetics, neurochemistry and physical health, it has psychological components that involve many individual factors such as cognitive style, coping style, and qualities of personal behavior. And, it has social components, factors that are mediated by the quality of one’s relationships, including such variables as the family and the culture one is socialized into, and one’s range of social skills. The best, most accurate answer to the basic question, “What causes depression?” is, “Many things.”
Currently, the medical model of depression receives the greatest attention for a variety of reasons. The pharmaceutical industry in particular has invested tens of billions of dollars in advertising to the public as well as investing directly in individual physicians, encouraging all to define depression as a disease caused by a neurochemical imbalance that requires medication to manage. The lion’s share of research money goes to drug research, further elevating drugs to the status of being the source of hope for everyone who suffers depression. As a result, antidepressants are the most widely prescribed medication in the U.S., and are considered a first-line treatment approach, de-emphasizing the value of psychotherapy despite its success not only in treatment, but in the area of prevention.
It may sound extreme to some, but I stand by this statement: Depression is more a social problem than a medical one, and no purely biological cure will be found for it any more than biology alone will cure other social ills such as poverty or child abuse. This is not to say that antidepressant medications shouldn’t be a part of treatment, especially in those specific instances where there are clear benefits medication can provide over psychotherapy. Rather, medications should be used more carefully and with an associated recommendation for a well-considered skill-building psychotherapy.
The social side of depression is especially important, yet is terribly under-considered in most people’s consideration. We know, for example, that depression runs in families: The child of a depressed parent is anywhere from three to six times more likely to become depressed than the child of a non-depressed parent. The genetics research makes it quite clear that it isn’t entirely – or even mostly – faulty genes responsible, especially since there is no “depression gene.” It has more to do with the patterns of thinking, coping, behaving, and relating that parents (and other significant role models in our society) model day in and day out than it does one’s genetic makeup. When you have the largest demographic group of depression sufferers now raising children, it should surprise no one that their children are the fastest growing group of depression sufferers. After all, parents can’t teach their children what they don’t know.
Furthermore, the more distressed one’s marriage, the more likely one is to either already be or to become depressed. The quality of one’s marriage is a very large risk factor, yet many people never consider how powerful a good marriage can be in helping insulate its members against depression. These points provide excellent reasons to want to strengthen parents and marriages.
To think of depression as only an individual’s biochemical disorder, as if he or she isn’t a product of powerful social forces that operate in families, organizations, and cultures, or to reduce it even further to a purely biochemical phenomenon, is so terribly reductionistic as to disempower the very people who need help changing their lives, not just their brain chemistry. It’s true: You are more than your biochemistry.
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