All Entries in the "SAD" Category
Medication Update
Throughout the year of 2009 I took several different vitamins and supplements. I began taking many of them during Spring, when the sun was coming out more often. Because of the timing I was never sure if it was the sun or the medications that were making me feel better.
I was taking the following daily to help with depression:
Vitamin C- 1000 mg
Vitamin D- 1000 iu
Fish Oil- 2000 mg
The sun has now hidden itself away until next year, and so I hesitantly decided to do an experiment. I am still taking 15mg daily of Paxil, but as of 3 weeks ago I have stopped taking everything else. Tareak and I haven’t noticed any changes in mood or behavior. As much as I’d like to think they were helping, it seems as though they weren’t doing much.
About three months ago I started taking 2000 mg daily of N-acetylcysteine, for trichotillomania. Unfortunately I didn’t notice any changes or improvements in my trichotillomania. I was very hopeful that it would be the breakthrough I needed, but considering there is no cure for trichotillomania to date, I’m not surprised that it didn’t help.
I plan to start seeing a counselor early next year and may try switching to or adding Wellbutrin. My depression is currently under control, but I still feel like I am just “surviving”, and not really living.
New Growth
Right now in life I feel a lot like this tree. When we went to visit Tareak’s family in Australia we saw some of the devastation the fires caused. Even though it had only been a couple of months since the fires, there was already life growing from the burnt logs and trees.
I was a burnt tree. There wasn’t any visible life left in me. I couldn’t see the point in trying to repair something that seemed beyond hope. In the past month I have felt the stirrings of life inside of me and it has now sprouted to the point it is visible to others. I am able to get out of bed without any internal resistance. I feel like I have more energy. My relationship with Tareak has significantly improved. Overall I just feel BETTER! So what has changed?
While in Australia I noticed something for the first time. In conversations with others, I had very little to say about myself or my experiences. I did have a lot to say about Tareak though. My curiosity was peaked and I began to do some research. I started seeing words and phrases like, “Codependence”, “White Knight Syndrome”, “Obsessive Love”, “Overdependence”. Basically what I was seeing is that I had a low self-worth. This is different from self-esteem. Because I didn’t see much worth in myself, it became easy to put anything and everything before my own wants and NEEDS. I had convinced myself that by completely focusing on the needs and wants of others I could find self worth and they would value me because I had helped them so much. The more I read, the more I realized this is a serious condition. It is a disease. An addiction. “Oh Great!” I thought, “Just another ailment to add to my list”. I’ve read three books on the subject now, and have learned that while it is a serious condition, it is treatable. This is where the stirrings of hope and new life began.
My allergies this year have seemed worse than usual. During all waking hours I am an itchy sniffly mess. My sister suggested acupuncture for allergies and I thought “Why not? Nothing else is working.” I found an acupuncturist that specializes in getting rid of allergies. I went to my appointment with zero expectations. I found that she actually uses a technique called “NAET” which is a mixture of acupuncture, kinesthetics, chiropractics, etc… Had I researched the technique ahead of time I would have never made the appointment because the results sound too good to be true. I have only had 2 appointment and have been treated for my allergy to eggs and lactose. NAET suggests that most ailments are caused by underlying allergies in the body and if those allergies are eliminated the ailment will clear up. It claims to heal depression, anxiety, OCD, and a huge list of other problems. Had I not seen the definite improvements after my two appointments I would be skeptical, but now I have hope. The idea of being allergy free is more than I ever thought possible.
It is almost summer. We have had a warm and sunny spring. The sun is healing. The sun makes me happy to get out of bed. I have also been taking Vitamin D supplements for a month and have noticed a change in my mood. I don’t know if it is just the weather, or if the Vitamin D is helping, but I have no complaints either way.
Between learning about co-dependence, how to treat my allergies and the healing effects of the sun and Vitamin D, I am feeling good. I still have several books to read on my conditions, but I think I am off to a good start. Hopefully you won’t even recognize me in a few months. Instead of a burnt stump I will be a huge green tree oozing with new life.
Vitamin D Therapy
About a month ago my dad called and told me about a website called the Vitamin D Council. You may have heard about the recent studies that show most American’s have an extreme Vitamin D deficiency. In an article from March 25th it states: “Low vitamin D levels among adults are fast becoming a growing epidemic and could spell trouble for the future health of the nation, according to a new study. Researchers found that not only has the number of Americans with low vitamin D levels increased, but average vitamin D levels among adults have also decreased from 1994 to 2004. Vitamin D is produced by the skin in response to sunlight and is also found in vitamin D fortified foods, such as milk.”
I always knew that I felt better when I had a regular dose of sun, but I never knew why. It is because my body has been craving Vitamin D most of my life. On the Vitamin D Council website there is a section that addresses the possibility that Vitamin D could help with depression. It does state though, “nothing could be a crueler message than to tell those suffering from major depression that physiological amounts of vitamin D will cure it.“ There are no conclusive studies that have been done with depression, but there are many indicators that Vitamin D can indeed help.
“Evidence suggests that vitamin D may help mood but that evidence is not conclusive. (Remember, the way our medical literature system works, scientists often do not publish negative studies). The two positive studies above used vitamin D to treat seasonal affective disorder, not major depression. We were unable to find any studies in the literature in which patients with depression were treated with enough natural sunlight, artificial sunlight or plain old cholecalciferol to raise their levels to 35 ng/mL or higher. We all know how we feel after a week at the beach, but is that bright light, vitamin D, or something else?”
Since reading the studies highlighted on the Vitamin D Council website I have been going tanning regularly for the past few weeks. I have been going only once or twice a week for just 10 minutes, but the days that I go I see an improvement in my mood and am usually more productive those days. I may start taking Vitamin D supplements as well, but research suggests that more Vitamin D is absorbed by being in the actual sun than though the use of supplements. For now I’ll risk getting skin cancer and just enjoy the fake sun.
Self Evaluation
I frequently read blogs on the Psychology Today website. Today I found an interesting article written by a guest blogger. It discusses 10 ways to get rid of depression. I agree that the 10 ways listed are in fact excellent ways to get rid of depression, the key however is to actually do the 10 things listed. Below is the article with my comments and personal evaluation in RED. I have rated myself on a scale of 1-10 for each item, 1 being horrible, and 10 being excellent.
Top 10 Ways to Banish Depression Now
Depression stinks. No doubt about it. Having treated dozens of individuals with depression over the years, while reading countless books on the treatment, I still believe that the number one factor that really enables me to get to the heart of this malady is my firsthand experience with it.
Depression started tugging at my heels by the time I was 8 years old. By 16, the dean of my high school would call me each morning to make sure I got out of bed and showed up at school, instead of sleeping all day. By 30, I had two boyfriends; Ben and Jerry. Today, I still have low moments, but they are far less often, and last far less long.
Imagine if we had a scribe in our heads, even for a day. I know I would be ashamed to think of what mine might write. Having done a great deal of research on depression, I have heard many expert opinions regarding its etymology. We are still unsure if it is environmental, historical, genetic, energetic, past-life, DNA-related, trauma-based, kharmic law. One thing is for sure; when we got it, we got it, and it can be crippling.
What folks may not know is that there are very useful tricks we can use to alleviate a sour mood. The brain is plastic. It is the last part of our body to really know something. When we tell our brain that life is awful and we are doomed, our brain tends to agree. In fact, I have noticed that when I experience a bout of depression, it is often triggered by events where I feel exposed as a failure. My way out usually begins with a decision. A decision to feel better.
So, I decided to compile this list. Write these down, stick em on your wall, and put them in motion.
Trick 1: Get out of your head and into your feet
The body craves movement. Exercise really works. Let’s not think of it as exercise though. Nothing is gnarlier to the depressed person than imagining him/herself at the gym in ill fitting sweats, panting on the stair master while svelte athletes are bopping around in all directions. As Woody Allen says, 90% of success is showing up. Once we’ve got our walking shoes on, once we get endorphins cooking, the doldrums have less power to penetrate.
Christine Caldwell, Body-Centered Psychotherapist and author of “Getting our Bodies Back” tells us: Our bodies love to move and must move. Movement is the way we define life–when our heart beats, lungs pulse, brain waves, we are alive; in the absence of movement we become inanimate or dead. When movement is held back, energy/life flow is impeded and we become sick.
Rating- 2
I enjoy walking. Unfortunately it is raining 90% of the time in Washington and that doesn’t entice me to go outside. We purchased a treadmill, but our dog uses it more than we do. I know that I feel better when I exercise, but we don’t always do what we know is good for us! =)
Trick 2: Turn on the music
Keep an arsenal of inspiring and fun music. When we’re depressed, the smallest task feels overwhelming. If I can kick-start someone’s joy, then I am thrilled. Turn on the sound.
Rating- 5
I grew up listening to my dad blast his classic Motown hits. Our home was always filled with music. When I actually remember to turn music on, I do notice that I feel more motivated. We recently hooked up some speakers to the ipod and have been listening to more music. Hopefully we can keep it up!
Trick 3: Sit in the sun
Many of us work in windowless cubicles or offices, and wonder why we feel blue. This time of year, when the sun sets earlier, we lose vitamin D. Do anything you can to take in more light. Sit in the sun for 5 minutes. And if there is no sun in your world, then buy a full-spectrum light. Get one cheap on E-bay.
Rating- 3
Oh- wouldn’t it be nice if there were actually sun to sit in! In the warmer months my dog and I do go and find the warm patch coming through the window and curl up on a rug, but those months are a ways off. I have a light that produces artificial sun, but I have not been using it. We do have plans to start a light therapy regimen in the near future because I believe in the power of sun!
Trick 4: Hang out with 4-leggeds (Unless you’re allergic)
Having an animal companion near can instantly release oxytocin, that delicious hormone that we secrete when we fall in love, give birth, or are nursing. It releases a feeling of goodwill, or trust in the world. OK, so not all are blessed to be in love all the time, or be breast feeding, so find other ways to bring on the joy chemical. Read on.
Rating- 10
My dog is literally a lap dog. As soon as anyone sits down and a “lap” is formed, she is on it. This results in lots of oxytocin! See my post on Dog Therapy for more of my thoughts on the benefits of animals.
Trick 5: Change your thoughts
We have around 60,000.00 thoughts per day. Some 87% of them are negative and are the same thoughts we had yesterday. Experiencing joy is a deliberate choice. Joy takes practice. Joy is hardcore.
In Natural Intelligence, Psychotherapist Susan Aposhyan states; “On a muscular level, any thought also results in at least minute muscular responses, evidencing the body’s compulsion to somehow do the thought. Having an affirmation, allows the mind to want to do the thing that we are hoping for.
We must remember that affirmations don’t make something happen, they make something welcome. People tell me, “I put an affirmation up on my bedroom wall, saying: “I am ready to meet a gorgeous, successful, fabulous man who will adore and worship me.” It’s been 3 months. Where is he?” I tell them; “You have made yourself more open to meeting this human. Finding him is another story. Sorry.”
Rating- 3
I am a pessimist. I believe it is impossible to be a realist without being a pessimist. Unfortunately pessimistic thought don’t bring warm fuzzy feelings with them. I am married to the King of Optimism and am slowing learning how to control my thoughts.
Trick 6: Follow a joyous lifestyle.
Find a class, a workout, anything that gets you in your body, preferably sweating a bit. Just getting out of the house and being with other people, say, in a yoga class, or dance class, or knitting group, offers us a distraction from the mind chatter. It works.
Rating-2
I leave the house on average 2 times each week. Once to go to church, and once to go grocery shopping and get gas. Some weeks we don’t need groceries or gas, so I just go to church. I’m still working on finding something enticing enough to get me to actually leave the house more often.
Trick 7: Affirm joy with words
Rudyard Kipling said “I am by calling a dealer in words. And words are by far the most powerful drug in the world”. It may seem trite, but changing the way we speak can be extremely influential in changing our moods.
Rating- 2
This ties directing in to Trick 5. I first have to think positively before I can actually say positive things. A work in progress…
Trick 8: Grab hold of a goal
Make it a do-able one. Psychologist Martin Selegman tells us: Happiness and joy come from goals. We mustn’t put off our lives.
Rating- 4
I am really good at thinking of goals. I am really bad at actually following through.
Trick 9: A smidgen of faith
Christiane Northrup, bestselling author of Womens’ Bodies, Womens Wisdom, and expert on mood disorders, shared this pearl of wisdom in a talk that she gave last summer at the Omega Institute. She says; “We are whom our higher self wanted to experience.” There is some truth to the pithy phrase: There’s no aetheists in foxholes. Have a smidgen of faith and the world can be a gentler space.
Rating- 9
I am religious and believe that we are given trials from a loving Heavenly Father to help us learn and grow. I also believe that with His help all things are possible.
Trick 10: Choose joyous companions
When we are depressed, we take our bored, sluggish selves wherever we go. We need distractions. We need company. We need intimacy. It is very important to be around upbeat people. We need someone who believes in us. No nay-sayers welcome.
Rating- 7
My husband is the most joyous companion in existence. My dog also provides good company. I recognize though that I need additional positive influences in my life since I am alone with my dog most of the time.
*Guest blogger Rachel Fleischman, MSW, LCSW, is a San Francisco-based therapist. Her profile can be found on Psychology Today’s therapy directory.
Well, I officially failed my own self evaluation. 47 out of 100 hardly qualifies as passing. I guess I have some things to work on!