All Entries in the "Trichotillomania" Category

Baby vs. Paxil

Leslie and I talked about starting our family last week and it went well.  We were able to talk about it with out all the tears (OK there were a few).  I guess that additional 5 mg of Paxil is helping.  We also talked to her doctor about the effects of her medication on a baby if she were to get pregnant.  she said that Paxil is potentially dangerous and to look into other types of drugs that might not be as harmful.  As Much as I would like Leslie not to be on any drugs I accept that it will take a lot longer then previously thought before that can happen. So a possible compromise will be a low dose of medication thorough the pregnancy.  The question is what is the right drug and how much.  Paxil helps Leslie with OCD, Trichotillomania , anxiety as well as depression.  By switching to something like  Zoloft or Prozac we are going to have to come up with a plan to tackle those other conditions.  For right now I’m doing a little research on the various drugs out their so I can get a better idea what type of direction we want to go in once Leslie is ready mentally for the challenge.

Ashamed of the Unobvious

When I was about 10 years old, I discovered that when some hairs are pulled out there is a clear membrane around the root.  I was fascinated by this discovery and would pull out hairs for long periods of time trying to find “the cool ones”.  This was the trigger that started my battle with Trichotillomania.  Sometimes I can go for weeks at a time without feeling the urge to pull out hairs.  But all it takes is one lapse and there is a bald patch that can take weeks to months to look normal again.

All through Middle School and High School my goal in life was to not ruin my Senior Pictures by having a huge bald spot somewhere obvious.  Here is one of the pictures:

Most people looking at this picture wouldn’t see anything too out of the ordinary.  All I notice when I look at any of these pictures is that my eyebrows are too thin as a result of too much uncontrolled plucking, and there is a thin spot of hair on my hairline from pulling out the hairs, but catching myself before it got too bad.

Showing people your Senior Pictures is always a big deal and event.  I was so nervous to have anyone see the pictures because I was sure they were going to see what I was seeing and think I was some kind of freak (I didn’t take into account that these people saw me in the flesh on a regular basis and if they did notice anything different about my hair they would have thought something strange was going on long before seeing the pictures).  I was genuinely surprised when no one made any comments.  I felt like my secret might still be safe.

After having these pictures taken, I then decided I needed to focus of having good wedding pictures.  Eight years later it was time to take these pictures.  I had been doing good about not pulling too many hairs, but the hairs where my “widows peak” should be were still growing back from an episode about six months prior to the wedding.  I wanted to wear my hair up for the wedding in hopes the spiky hairs would blend in to the mass on top of my head.  My husband loves my long wavy hair and that it goes past my waist.  He wanted me to wear it down for the wedding because he loves it so much.  I obliged him.

Since most of the wedding pictures were taken face on, you don’t really notice anything strange about my hair, but my favorite wedding picture was taken from the side:

Like my Senior Pictures, most people wouldn’t notice anything different about this picture.  I won’t enlarge this picture or hang it up because all I see when I look at this picture is this:

Again, even if anyone did notice this the last thing they would think is, “Oh, she must have plucked those hairs out one by one and they are just now growing back.  Too bad it ruined her wedding pictures.”  The point is that I notice.  I know the real story behind the stray hairs that almost blend into the marble background, and I feel ashamed.

Crocheting keeps the hands busy

Leslie has identified the occasions when she is most likely to feel the urges of trichotillomania. The urges usually occur when she is reading (which she does a lot of) and when she is watching TV. I’m usually not around or have already gone to bed when she is doing these activities, and can’t monitor her or point out to her what’s happening. We decided to get her some of those rubber things people put on their fingers when they are sorting through papers. We got enough for all her fingers and this little trick works when she’s wearing them, however getting her to wear them is a challenge in and of itself. Recently Leslie started trying out a new technique for when she’s watching TV. Crochet. It keeps her hands busy and I think this technique is awesome. Time will tell if this new skill will help break the mental pull of Trichotillomania.

As bad as it sounds I love this disorder as benefits me so much. It like we have a symbiotic relationship except I don’t benefit her as much as she benefits me. I know the relationship is not yet equal but I’m working on it. More education and renewed vigilance on my part will hopefully help Leslie bring this disorder under control. I did get her to stop her life-long habit of biting her nails though, and she has been “clean” for the past 3 years. One disorder down and twenty or so to go.

Trichotillomania – My wife pulls my facial hair out

When I was about 16 I started getting facial hair which I thought was cool.  As I got older I realized that the hair on my face was creeping up my checks.  Instead of shaving it I decided to puck it out instead and only shave along a specific line.  I didn’t want to have a thick beard line under my eyes like you see with some guys.  I maintained my beard line for years and my hard work paid off.  I did not have a beard line under my eyes.

When I meet Leslie in Hawaii I somehow mentioned that I pluck the hair on my upper checks as a part of my grooming habits.  She was fascinated and asked if she could do it.  I was a little shocked that she wanted to do it but I decided it would be ok.  Secretly I was excited because I had always dreamed of marrying a girl who would fix my face every week.  The whole process takes about an hour once a week.  I’m very particular about how I pluck the hair on my cheeks, which I explained to Leslie.  I got a mirror so I could watch what she was doing and gave her constant instructions on the way I like it done.  This visibly frustrated her and the truth is I was surprised she put up with it.  Well she did it a few times and got better and better at doing it the way I wanted. In my mind I was thinking I found my dream girl. Crazy huh.

Well shortly after this experience we started dating and then I returned to Australia.  I was a wreck.  Having Leslie fix my face was a luxury, my very own little spa therapist.  Some time passed and we decided to get married, but before we could get married I needed to talk to her dad and meet her family.  I flew to Vancouver, Canada and Leslie and the family drove up as I was not permitted to come into the country until my visa was processed.  Well we had a great trip and I got the permission then they left. The day before I was fly home I had a rental with a full tank of gas so I decided to go down to the border and ask the guys if I could go see my fiancé for a few hours before my flight. They were very cool and they let me surprise Leslie with a spontaneous visit.

Leslie and I were hanging out in her room at her parents’ house when she told me that she suffers from trichotillomania.  The first thought that came to my mind was “Crap that sounds bad. Why is she telling me now, I just got permission to marry you”. Well she explained that she has compulsive urges to pull out her hair. “Aah it all makes sense now”, I was thinking.  Where in the world can you find a beautiful girl who is patient and detail oriented enough to want to pluck hundreds of little hairs from your checks? Nowhere thats where!  For me this is a rare gift that benefits me tremendously.  On the flip side as I have been leaning about it, it is quit the challenge for Leslie to control.  She pulls her eye brows and eye lashes out and I can never catch her at it.  She spends a lot of time making me beautiful yet at the same time she kills her good looks because of the disorder.  My goal is to help her bring it under control allowing for a controlled release on my face.