“Damned if you don’t”
“What must I do to be damned? Nothing. That’s all. You’re damned–condemned– if you just sit still. That is the law of this physical world.“If you sit still long enough, you’ll never get up again. If you never lift your arm, you’ll soon be unable to raise it at all. If you remain in darkness and never use your eyes, you’ll soon become blind.
“It is the law in the mental world, if you never exercise your brain– never read, study, nor talk to anyone, never permit anyone to talk to you, your mind will become blank– maybe you’ll become insane.
“The most horrible punishment that could be inflicted upon you is not twenty years of hard labor, but twenty years of solitary confinement.
“It’s the law in the spiritual world, simply shut your heart to all truth, and after a while you won’t be able to believe anything– that is the severest penalty for not accepting the truth.
“The process of disintegration and death begins when a man shuts himself out from the forces that make for life.
“The body and mind and spirit are kept alive through constant constructive use.” ~Charles Steizle~ (Utah Labor News, December 12th, 1937)
I came across this quote today and it reminded me of depression. When in a depressed state you can’t do anything physical, mental or spiritual- you don’t even want to do anything. This beast of complete and all consuming inactivity takes over your life and there is only one way to escape, or at least begin to pry yourself free… and that is to do something, anything!
You don’t want to get out of bed. You want to be able to sleep and escape it all by just lying there and doing NOTHING, but by forcing yourself to get out of bed (which wouldn’t be considered an accomplishment by most) you feel a twinge of hope, hope that maybe today will be a good day.
I’ve learned that as long as I do ONE thing each day (some days it is as simple as taking a shower or playing with the dogs and other days I can manage to actually leave the house or do a load of laundry) I am able to stay somewhat sane. If I feel good after doing one thing that day, then I can decide if I’d like to do another, but if I don’t want to, that is OK. I’ve given myself permission to only do ONE thing each day, and anything else is a bonus.
I get overwhelmed so easily and this is why I have a hard time seeing myself as a mother one day. Right now it is okay if my “one thing” is to get in the shower. If I have a kid I’ll need to feed, bathe, dress, and play with them until I can escape while they take a nap. This is a whole lot more than “one thing”. This is why it was so hard for me to work and go to school. Work was one thing and school was another and some days I could only manage to do one of them, and some days none because I was so overwhelmed I had to “check out” of life.
So like Mr. Charles Steizle said, I’ll just keep on doing at least one thing every day so that I won’t be “damned” to the hell that is depression.
