I Moved Across the Country, and I’m Not Doing Well

I’m not doing very well.
I thought I had mentally prepared for the move, and that part of it I was prepared for. I feel like I’ve coped and adjusted pretty well. I can survive living out of suitcases and boxes. In both Hawaii and Guatemala I had to live pretty minimalistically and I did just fine. In fact I’ve lived in a rather un-settled state for about 9 of the last 11 years. I can survive in unfamiliar territory with new customs, new surroundings, etc… There is one thing however that I didn’t anticipate. Loneliness.
I have always enjoyed being by myself and not being caught up in an active social life that consumes me. For this reason I thought I would be fine. I overlooked a couple of key facts. Once I left home and moved to Hawaii I had roommates. About 90% of the time I was home, there was always someone else there as well. I enjoyed the moments I had the house to myself and would clean and bake and just unwind. In 2005 I moved back home and lived with my family. Again, there were always people around.
In 2007 I got married. Tareak started a new job and was working LONG hours. It was the first time in my life I was alone. You’d think that by getting married you wouldn’t feel so lonely, but I felt lonelier than ever because he was working 12+ hours/day. He recognized I wasn’t doing well and got me my saving grace, Kaya. He swore he would never have a dog, at least not an inside dog, but seeing my need he put aside his concerns and got me a companion to be by my side (literally) while he was away. Over time his work schedule changed and instead of working such long hours, he worked crazy hours. He worked nights for a couple years and then worked weekends after that. Although the hours were anything but normal, they allowed him to spend a lot more time at home. We both enjoyed the time and could at least temporarily deal with the strange hours.
In 2010 we decided it was time for Tareak to pursue a different career and also that it was time to move. We packed up our things, sold our house and moved in with my parents for what was supposed to be a couple of weeks. A couple of weeks turned into a couple of months and 8 months later we were on our way to Atlanta. While staying with my parents Tareak was working on a special project at work. Many weeks the project required him to work 60+ hours/week, but most weeks required less than 20 hours. I loved the extra time I had with him.
Tareak has become my best friend, actually, my only friend. My many mental illnesses have caused me to withdraw from everyone, but he was always there, whether I liked it or not. When he works long hours I don’t do well alone. I sulk. I cry. I get angry with his company. I feel sorry for myself. I get angry with myself for feeling sorry for myself. Again, it is my dogs that keep me going. In the last 2 1/2 weeks that I’ve been in Atlanta I would not have gotten out of bed had it not been for my dogs. I hear them next to my bed whining because they are hungry or need to go outside. I feel guilty I’m not taking better care of them and know if I don’t get up to feed them, no one else is. They’ve become my sole purpose in life. But once their bellies are full and they have come back inside, then what? What is my purpose now?
Major life changes, whether for the good or bad, can be triggers for depression. When I got married and Tareak was working long hours, I tanked. It took several years and lots of learning to get me to a point where I felt mentally stable. Although this move to Atlanta was supposed to be a good thing, it has unfortunately thrust me back down even farther than I was before. I know I need a purpose other than feeding my dogs. I’ve thought about getting a part time job, but the idea scares me so much. Can I commit myself to being there for someone every day, no matter how I’m feeling? How long can I force myself to be responsible and reliable before I snap from the pressure?
It is obvious that adjusting to these new life changes is going to be an up-hill battle.