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Puppy Tears
Jacy- 8 weeks
My plans for getting back on track with blogging were disrupted by this cute puppy. Tareak and I decided we wanted Kaya to have a friend and thought a puppy would be fun for all of us. Neither Tareak or I have ever had a puppy before, so we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. Jacy is an 8 week old rat terrier and when she is full grown will be the same size as Kaya.
Having a puppy is harder than I anticipated. In the last week I haven’t slept for more than 4 solid hours at a time. My body is tired. My brain is tired. My sister asked me if having a puppy made me more or less excited to have a baby. My answer was definitely LESS excited! I think I am more of an older child/older dog type person. I don’t mind adopting dogs from the shelter that have been locked in a basement their whole life and only have one ear. It gives them character. Many people don’t like the idea of adopting older children because they are “damaged”. I think this is what draws me to them in a way. I feel like I can identify with some of the mental struggles they must be going through and I want to help.
We have had Kaya for almost 2 years. She is a permanent part of our lives and family. We had a rhythm and a routine that everyone followed. When we adopted Jacy this whole routine and rhythm was disrupted. Kaya was very jealous of our newest addition. If I was holding Jacy, Kaya wouldn’t come and sit with me. My heart was aching because I felt so bad for Kaya. I didn’t want her to feel like she was being replaced or had to compete for my attention. She was mad at me, and I could feel it.
The other night Tareak and I were watching a movie and Jacy was sitting on one couch with me, and Kaya was on the other. I wanted Kaya to like me again, so I put Jacy on the other couch with Tareak hoping that Kaya would come and sit with me. She didn’t. I waited and waited. The movie was over and she still wouldn’t sit with me. I tried to hold back the tears, but I couldn’t. I wanted my old life back. I didn’t want a puppy any more. I resented her for ruining everything. I wanted Kaya to like me again. I wanted to SLEEP!
Kaya must have known something was wrong because the next morning she was back to her old self. She has taken Jacy under her wing and allows Jacy to bite her ear stub, jump on her while she is sleeping, and everything else that comes along with being an older sister. She will sit with me when I am holding Jacy and I know she isn’t mad at me anymore. I still haven’t had any good sleep, but things are definitely looking up.
This whole experience has really made me reflect on having children. At least I wanted a puppy, and so the struggle and disruption is something I can accept. What will happen if I have a baby that is even more disruptive than a puppy? Will I resent the baby too? What will happen if I adopt older children that will also disrupt and turn my life upside down? Will I cope with that any better? So many questions, but still no answers.
I will try to keep blogging as I find a new routine and rhythm in life and hope there will be no more puppy tears.
“Happy Wife: Happy Life”
Leslie decided to stop blogging for a while as she made new discoveries about herself and codependency. I took it as an opportunity to take a break also but as she has had several people contact her wanting to discuss symptoms and such I thought it might be time to put my two cents in again. Leslie has been awesome the last couple of months. Earlier in the year I was feeling the pressure and weight of her depression in our marriage. It was making me feel down and incapable of helping the person I really love. I felt overwhelmed and really didn’t know what I should do. What I did know was that our marriage will not be a productive and happy one if we don’t figure out how to overcome this problem. We escaped to Australia earlier this year to spend time with my family. For me it was a time to just do nothing and think about nothing. I was exhausted from work and from Leslie’s depression and other symptoms. Since coming home I believe that Australia trip to be a life changer. Leslie figured out that she was codependent and started to research and learn about it. She has been helping me understand it and watching her come to terms with her life experiences with determination to change the way she thinks has been inspiring. In addition to that she started trying acupuncture as a method to reduce her allergy symptoms. This treatment includes NAET principles of energy manipulation. The way I understand it is that your body is out of balance with things around you causing allergic reactions. Leslie is allergic to everything. Since starting these treatments she has been cured from eggs, milk, lactose and histamine. It makes me so happy to know that my Leslie is going to be able to be free from a vast majority of her allergies over the next few ears as she continues her treatment. In addition to these two different changes in her life there is a significant third- and that’s the sun, it came out.
I asked Leslie a week ago or so if she was depressed and she said no. I would have to affirm that statement. She hasn’t been acting depressed and I haven’t felt it effecting my moods negatively at all. She has been visibly happier which really puts a smile on my face. Is the journey still going to be difficult, you bet but at least we are heading in the right direction. I believe eliminating just 50% of her allergies will increase her ability to manage her depression. With her new found discoveries of codependency she is working at adjusting the way she thinks so she can become mentally stronger. I don’t know the role the sun plays in all of this but I know it helps so bring it on.
I’m hoping to have her completly cured of everthing by Christmas……is that to optimistic?
Starting Again
I have been a “blog-slacker” for the past couple months. I have been doing so much learning and growing that I don’t even know where to begin to share- so I just haven’t done anything. So typical of me- if I don’t think I can do it just right, I won’t do anything at all.
This week I was contacted by three quasi-strangers (or whatever you would call someone that fits between a “stranger” and an “acquaintance”) regarding this blog. They were each able to relate to my experiences on different levels. I think knowing you aren’t the only one out there feeling the way you do always helps us feel better, and I hope that my blog was able to make each of them feel a bit better. Their sincere comments have spurred me to action and I am ready to start blogging again.
I have several books I will be reviewing and recommending. I have some “ah-ha” moments and some “uh-oh” moments I will be sharing. I will also be bugging my husband Tareak to write several posts about his experiences over the past couple months.
Stay tuned!
“More than your biochemistry…”
This article was on the Psychology Today website. The author believes that “Depression is more a social problem than a medical one, and no purely biological cure will be found for it any more than biology alone will cure other social ills such as poverty or child abuse”.
I think this is an interesting theory and one that I definitely buy into. In the last month of improvements I’ve seen in my life, my medication dosages have not changed, but my attitude has- and this has improved my relationship with Tareak and my view of myself.
Let’s Expand Our View of Depression: You’re More Than Your Biochemistry
The costs of depression on a variety of levels are huge: Marriages and families splinter, individuals suffer, societies suffer the consequences of the often destructive behaviors of people coping badly or not at all with their depression, businesses suffer the negative effects of employees too disabled to function properly, the economic costs of greater health care expenses are greater for depressed patients, and there is the tragedy of suicide – lives lost to despair and apathy. Depression is a terribly disabling disorder, and despite significant advances in treatment, the problem continues to grow.
Depression is a multi-dimensional disorder. It has biological components based in genetics, neurochemistry and physical health, it has psychological components that involve many individual factors such as cognitive style, coping style, and qualities of personal behavior. And, it has social components, factors that are mediated by the quality of one’s relationships, including such variables as the family and the culture one is socialized into, and one’s range of social skills. The best, most accurate answer to the basic question, “What causes depression?” is, “Many things.”
Currently, the medical model of depression receives the greatest attention for a variety of reasons. The pharmaceutical industry in particular has invested tens of billions of dollars in advertising to the public as well as investing directly in individual physicians, encouraging all to define depression as a disease caused by a neurochemical imbalance that requires medication to manage. The lion’s share of research money goes to drug research, further elevating drugs to the status of being the source of hope for everyone who suffers depression. As a result, antidepressants are the most widely prescribed medication in the U.S., and are considered a first-line treatment approach, de-emphasizing the value of psychotherapy despite its success not only in treatment, but in the area of prevention.
It may sound extreme to some, but I stand by this statement: Depression is more a social problem than a medical one, and no purely biological cure will be found for it any more than biology alone will cure other social ills such as poverty or child abuse. This is not to say that antidepressant medications shouldn’t be a part of treatment, especially in those specific instances where there are clear benefits medication can provide over psychotherapy. Rather, medications should be used more carefully and with an associated recommendation for a well-considered skill-building psychotherapy.
The social side of depression is especially important, yet is terribly under-considered in most people’s consideration. We know, for example, that depression runs in families: The child of a depressed parent is anywhere from three to six times more likely to become depressed than the child of a non-depressed parent. The genetics research makes it quite clear that it isn’t entirely – or even mostly – faulty genes responsible, especially since there is no “depression gene.” It has more to do with the patterns of thinking, coping, behaving, and relating that parents (and other significant role models in our society) model day in and day out than it does one’s genetic makeup. When you have the largest demographic group of depression sufferers now raising children, it should surprise no one that their children are the fastest growing group of depression sufferers. After all, parents can’t teach their children what they don’t know.
Furthermore, the more distressed one’s marriage, the more likely one is to either already be or to become depressed. The quality of one’s marriage is a very large risk factor, yet many people never consider how powerful a good marriage can be in helping insulate its members against depression. These points provide excellent reasons to want to strengthen parents and marriages.
To think of depression as only an individual’s biochemical disorder, as if he or she isn’t a product of powerful social forces that operate in families, organizations, and cultures, or to reduce it even further to a purely biochemical phenomenon, is so terribly reductionistic as to disempower the very people who need help changing their lives, not just their brain chemistry. It’s true: You are more than your biochemistry.
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