All Entries Tagged With: "australia"

Trichotillomania – My wife pulls my facial hair out

When I was about 16 I started getting facial hair which I thought was cool.  As I got older I realized that the hair on my face was creeping up my checks.  Instead of shaving it I decided to puck it out instead and only shave along a specific line.  I didn’t want to have a thick beard line under my eyes like you see with some guys.  I maintained my beard line for years and my hard work paid off.  I did not have a beard line under my eyes.

When I meet Leslie in Hawaii I somehow mentioned that I pluck the hair on my upper checks as a part of my grooming habits.  She was fascinated and asked if she could do it.  I was a little shocked that she wanted to do it but I decided it would be ok.  Secretly I was excited because I had always dreamed of marrying a girl who would fix my face every week.  The whole process takes about an hour once a week.  I’m very particular about how I pluck the hair on my cheeks, which I explained to Leslie.  I got a mirror so I could watch what she was doing and gave her constant instructions on the way I like it done.  This visibly frustrated her and the truth is I was surprised she put up with it.  Well she did it a few times and got better and better at doing it the way I wanted. In my mind I was thinking I found my dream girl. Crazy huh.

Well shortly after this experience we started dating and then I returned to Australia.  I was a wreck.  Having Leslie fix my face was a luxury, my very own little spa therapist.  Some time passed and we decided to get married, but before we could get married I needed to talk to her dad and meet her family.  I flew to Vancouver, Canada and Leslie and the family drove up as I was not permitted to come into the country until my visa was processed.  Well we had a great trip and I got the permission then they left. The day before I was fly home I had a rental with a full tank of gas so I decided to go down to the border and ask the guys if I could go see my fiancé for a few hours before my flight. They were very cool and they let me surprise Leslie with a spontaneous visit.

Leslie and I were hanging out in her room at her parents’ house when she told me that she suffers from trichotillomania.  The first thought that came to my mind was “Crap that sounds bad. Why is she telling me now, I just got permission to marry you”. Well she explained that she has compulsive urges to pull out her hair. “Aah it all makes sense now”, I was thinking.  Where in the world can you find a beautiful girl who is patient and detail oriented enough to want to pluck hundreds of little hairs from your checks? Nowhere thats where!  For me this is a rare gift that benefits me tremendously.  On the flip side as I have been leaning about it, it is quit the challenge for Leslie to control.  She pulls her eye brows and eye lashes out and I can never catch her at it.  She spends a lot of time making me beautiful yet at the same time she kills her good looks because of the disorder.  My goal is to help her bring it under control allowing for a controlled release on my face.

I married a depressed person

Hi, my name is Tareak (tar-ick) and I’m an Aussie, you know, from Australia. I met a lovely American girl in Hawaii and ended up marrying her. Like every couple we have our challenges and at times I think it would be easier if I were single again but then I think about how much better my life is with her in it and I kick myself for thinking stupid thoughts.

My wife suffers from depression and Trichotillomania and until I met her I had a limited understanding of what that all meant. Over the last year I have had an opportunity to increase my understanding of this terrible condition and the truth is, it sucks. I consider myself a depressed-free individual. My wife sometimes refers to me as “sickeningly optimistic”. Can I help it if I lean towards the positive aspects of life even in the face of terrible circumstances? Through my wife’s depression, I have reflected on my life and been able to identify a number of occasions when I too have been depressed. Crazy huh, an optimist who gets depressed and doesn’t even realize it.

A few months back, Leslie and I decided to do two things: first, help me understand what she goes through every day and second, help her to overcome the feelings of depression though education and cognitive behavioral exercises. We ordered two or three workbooks that focus on different learned skills that can help individuals overcome depression and we are currently on chapter four. It has been insightful and scary at the same time. This depression thing is so consuming and I am in awe at how well Leslie copes with it.

There are a few things I would like to get out of this blog. They are the following:

1. Increase my understanding of depression through sharing my thoughts and hopefully create discussion with people who have experiences to share

2. As I was unable to read until I was fifteen my writing skills are underdeveloped and it is difficult to organize my thoughts using the written word, so I’m hoping this will help me write better. So if my thoughts seem chaotic please comment so I can improve

3. Writing regularly in a blog will force my mind to think more deeply about the subject matter. This in turn will help me better understand my wife and give me an increased ability to help her

4. Open my heart and mind to be more understanding of the different types of conditions people suffer from, depression, trichotillomania, social anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorders, etc… and be less judgmental

5. Be a proactive force for happiness in my wife’s life…. “It’s okay to act the clown when someone is down”