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Starting Again
I have been a “blog-slacker” for the past couple months. I have been doing so much learning and growing that I don’t even know where to begin to share- so I just haven’t done anything. So typical of me- if I don’t think I can do it just right, I won’t do anything at all.
This week I was contacted by three quasi-strangers (or whatever you would call someone that fits between a “stranger” and an “acquaintance”) regarding this blog. They were each able to relate to my experiences on different levels. I think knowing you aren’t the only one out there feeling the way you do always helps us feel better, and I hope that my blog was able to make each of them feel a bit better. Their sincere comments have spurred me to action and I am ready to start blogging again.
I have several books I will be reviewing and recommending. I have some “ah-ha” moments and some “uh-oh” moments I will be sharing. I will also be bugging my husband Tareak to write several posts about his experiences over the past couple months.
Stay tuned!
Dear Future Children,
Dear Future Children,
One day you are going to read entries from this blog, or talk to someone who once did. At this time you will discover the major internal struggle that I went through in order to get to the point I felt okay about giving birth to you. There is a possibility that at this time you will perhaps feel unwanted or unloved. I hope this isn’t the case. I hope that I am able to make sure you always feel loved and wanted.
The reason I am having such an internal struggle at this time is because I already love you. I want the best for you. I want you to lead a long and happy life. I want you to grow up in an environment that will nurture you and that you will feel safe and loved. I want to protect you from anything that could hurt you or make your life more difficult. Because you will be inheriting many of my genetics, I know there is a strong possibility you too will suffer from depression, anxiety, ocd, trichotillomania or a number of the other medical conditions I have. This idea doesn’t bother me. I know that because you will be born into a family with parents and grandparents who understand these issues, you will learn how to deal with them and live a fairly normal life that could potentially even be medication-free. But if you have to take medications, know that no one in your family will judge you or think less of you for this choice. I’m not having an internal struggle because I know there is a high chance you will suffer from many of my same ailments, I’m having an internal struggle because I worry about my ability to care for you and be the best mother possible in my current mental state.
I know that no one is ever prepared to be a mother. I know I will never feel ready. In my current mental state I don’t feel comfortable bringing you into the world for several reasons. At this time I am taking Paxil. Babies who are born while their mother is on Paxil have a higher chance of having birth defects. No mother wants their child to suffer any more than they need to. Because I already know you will likely suffer from many things I will pass onto you, I don’t like the idea of potentially adding yet another thing to the list of things you will need to learn to live with. I need to get off Paxil before I can think about conceiving you. Also, babies scare me. I wish you could grow up faster so that we could talk and you could tell me what you want. When a baby just cries and can’t tell me what they want, I don’t know what to do. Non-baby lovers tell me that the first years (that causes me to cringe just thinking about it ) are all worth it, but that doesn’t take the fear away. I don’t want to be afraid to have you. I want to feel excited. I am working on feeling this way and have spent a lot of time on my knees asking for help from our Heavenly Father. I need to be excited before I can think about conceiving you.
Basically what I am trying to say is that I hope you know that all of my fear and reservations are coming from the love that I already have for you. Please don’t ever feel that you were unwanted. If I didn’t want you I would not be actively trying so hard to get my conditions managed. I love you and look forward to meeting you soon.
Your Mom,
Leslie
Depression Myths- Part 2
Here are the final 4 depression myths that I have encountered most often:
5- MYTH: You can choose to be happy if you wanted to- OR- You can will depression away. If you can’t, then you’re weak
This is like a slap in the face to someone with depression. Though our thoughts do create our lives, most people do not know HOW to stop their negative thoughts or know how to reverse the resulting physiological conditions. Suggesting to someone with depression that they can just choose to be happy ignores and invalidates their current reality. Since negative thoughts and emotions, over time, cause biochemical changes that disrupt the brain’s chemistry it’s not quite that simple to just choose happiness. Depression is not cured by willpower. It goes much deeper. Depression cannot be willed away any more than heart disease or diabetes can. It’s caused by chemical changes in the body, which cannot be overcome simply by positive thinking and grim determination.
-Leslie’s Comments: This is one of the myths that I’m most sensitive to. I don’t like the idea that uneducated people out there think I am weak or don’t want to be happy.
6-MYTH: People who think they have depression are just feeling sorry for themselves.
Depression affects about 19 million people annually in the U.S. alone. Some of the most prominent and well-known individuals who have suffered from a depressive disorder include Alexander the Great, Napoleon Bonaparte, Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, George Patton, abolitionist John Brown, Robert E. Lee, Florence Nightingale, Sir Isaac Newton, Stephen Hawking, Charles Darwin, J.P. Morgan, Barbara Bush, Ludwig von Beethoven and Michelangelo. Not exactly people who just sit around feeling sorry for themselves.
-Leslie’s Comments: I can see how it would be easy to look at someone with depression as being lazy, self absorbed or just plain feeling sorry for themselves, but this simply isn’t the case. See my blog entry, “I’m not lazy, I’m depressed” for more of my thoughts on this myth.
7- MYTH: Talking about depression only makes it worse.
While it is easy to understand why someone might be worried about discussing their depression, being alone with your thoughts is even more harmful when facing this disorder. A lot of people with mental health problems are stigmatized in our society, so the best thing you can do to help a friend is be a good, supportive, and non-judgmental listener if they choose to talk with you. If you are hesitant to discuss difficulties you might be facing with a close family member or friend, think about other people in your life, like spiritual leaders or faculty members who would be willing to discuss your struggles. If at any point, you feel so overwhelmed by feelings of sadness and hopelessness that you are considering hurting yourself, call 1-800-273-TALK for help.
-Leslie’s Comments: I’ve always maintained the attitude that honesty is the best policy. If you are depressed start out being honest with yourself and accepting the condition. Then work on feeling comfortable talking to others about your condition. Not only can you help others learn more about depression, it can be insightful to talk with people who’s minds aren’t in a depressed state.
8-Myth: Depression is not a real medical illness.
Clinical depression is a serious medical condition that affects not only an individual’s mood and thoughts, but also the individual’s body. Individuals coping with depression have a higher level of stress hormones present in their bodies, and the brain scans of depression patients show decreased activity in some areas of the brain. Depression is a real and serious condition. It is no different than diabetes or heart disease in its ability to impact someone’s life. It can have both emotional and physical symptoms and make life very difficult for those who have it. The medical community has acknowledged the seriousness of depression and recognizes it as a disease. While no one is completely certain what causes depression, we know that genetic and biological factors play a significant role in development of this disease.
-Leslie’s Comments: Like most mental illnesses, it has taken people a long time to recognize such conditions as “medical”. I look at my depression, trichotillomania, and other mental illnesses the same way as I look at my severe allergies. You learn to live with the illnesses and treat the symptoms with medication or whatever methods work best for you.
Hopefully after reading these myths you are a little more educated and will be a little more understanding of those who suffer from depression.
Sources:
http://www.ldsmag.com/familyconnections/040524depression2.html
http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/just-diagnosed-822-143.html
Depression Myths- Part 1
Since “coming out” about my depression I have had varying responses to my blog. Most people have been very supportive and understanding. Many people have been able to relate. But there is a small group who have a harder time with my blog for some of the following reasons: 1- they have never experienced depression, or known anyone who was depressed therefore never had any real reason to educate themselves about depression, 2- they think depression is something bad or something to keep hidden and deal with on your own, or 3- they don’t acknowledge or recognize that depression is an actual medical condition, not just a fleeting bad day. I have found some common “Depression Myths” online from several sources (all cited at the end of this article). I have gone through and chosen some that I feel are the most common or at least the ones I’ve encountered in discussing depression with others.
1- MYTH: If you have depression you are depressed all the time.
Depression is most often something that comes and goes not something you feel 24/7. This misunderstanding about depression makes it deceptively easy for many with mild depression to believe they don’t really have a problem to address, but are just having “occasional bad days.” This is particularly concerning because the quicker you start taking care of yourself and get the help you need, the quicker depression can end and the easier it will be to heal.
-Leslie’s comments: Another side to this myth is to help others recognize that even though you are laughing and smiling you can still be depressed. See blog entry “Not always as it seems” for more on this subject”
2-MYTH: Depression does not affect children or teenagers – their problems are just a part of growing up.
We’d like to believe that all children experience a happy, carefree childhood, but that’s simply not the case. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, studies show that 1 in 33 children and 1 in 8 adolescents are depressed in any given year. Children are not as practiced at articulating their feelings as adults, so adults must take the initiative to look for and notice symptoms of depression in children.
-Leslie’s Comments: My first major bouts of depression occurred when I was in High School. My parents didn’t recognize my symptoms as depression and instead would continually ask me if I was using drugs (as in illegal drugs). Anyone who knows me well, knows how funny their suspicions were because they were so far from the truth.
3-MYTH: Depression only happens when something bad happens in your life, such as a breakup, the death of a loved one, or failing an exam.
Depression is more than just having occasional sad thoughts. While everyone experiences ups and downs in life, and often will feel sad for some time after a serious loss or disappointment, developing depression does not require a specific negative event. Prolonged periods of hopelessness, sadness, and lack of interest in things someone usually enjoys are symptoms of depression. Depression can arise suddenly, even when things in life seem to be going well.
-Leslie’s Comments: This myth seems to be particularly common. People always seem to want to know “Why” you are depressed, implying that something bad must have happened to make you feel down. While you can feel depressed and down for short periods of time after something bad happens, this is not classified as the medical version of depression.
4- MYTH: Serving others will cure depression.
Contrary to popular belief, service does not cure depression. Serving from an empty bucket is akin to squeezing water from a stone and will merely drain your already low reserves and make it less likely that you will have time to address your own needs and your own healing. We would never tell someone with a broken leg to just fast and pray to get better, neither will temple attendance or scripture study or service heal the imbalance that has occurred in the brain from accumulated stressors.
-Leslie’s Comments: From a religious point of view depression can sometimes be seen as simply allowing Satan into our lives and giving in to his negative influence. While service is always a good thing to do and can many times make you forget your own problems and worries you would never tell someone with cancer to just forget themselves and go serve someone else in order to fix their illness.
I will address an addtional 4 common myths in my next post.
Sources:
http://www.nmha.org/go/backtocampus/depression
http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/just-diagnosed-822-143.html
http://www.ldsmag.com/familyconnections/040524depression2.html