All Entries Tagged With: "blog"

Nervous to Calm

Yesterday I sent out a mass e-mail to friends and family letting them know about this blog.  I had the e-mail written, all the contacts in the “To” field, and I couldn’t hit the “Send” button.  I was so nervous.  Tareak wasn’t expecting me to let everyone know about the blog so soon, and he told me to just wait until I felt better.  As I sat staring at the screen he started to feel the tension in the air and announced that he was now nervous too.  His wife was being exposed for her true self!  I finally closed my eyes and hit the button.  Tareak jumped up and gave me a “High-Five”.

Today I have received e-mails, phone calls and comments on this blog.  I have felt an outpouring of love and understanding and I now feel calm.  I want people to read my blog so they recognize they aren’t alone.  I’m excited to share more of my experiences in hopes that I will be able to help others along my journey as well as myself.

On a side note- I hope that people don’t see this blog as me complaining or looking for pity.  My mom mentioned that when my Grandma reads this blog she is going to be very worried about me.  There is nothing to worry about.  I am as happy as a depressed person can be.  I have a great family and a WONDERFUL husband who supports and loves me.  If you feel the slightest bit of pity for me- DON’T.

Another side note- Feel free to comment on the posts.  Since I hadn’t shared my blog with anyone yet, there were no comments until today.

Thanks to all those who have showed their love and support.  I have a renewed hope that this blog will help me with my self-therapy and hope that you all get something out of it as well.  =)

You may be a Rock but I move Mountains

I was telling Leslie today after reading her blog that it’s so insightful and helps me understand her better when she expresses what she’s going through in writing. She tries to explain it to me but I’m a little slow of learning and reading her thoughts gives me a chance to truly digest the emotion and feelings she must go through every day. As I study about depression and learn techniques that will help Leslie control her depression it has helped me feel more empathetic and loving towards her. I must admit that at times I catch myself thinking that I’m supporting a lazy person and that she needs to do more. I love the fact that financially my wife does not need to go to work. That leaves her with all the time in the world to make our home a beautiful and inviting place to be and she can develop her own interests while preparing to start a family. You can call me old fashioned or a chauvinist, that is completely your choice but I loved growing up watching my father take care of our financial needs while my mother took care of the home and us kids. They had a great system, one that I want to adopt and customize with Leslie.

It has taken some time for me to accept that she is struggling with something that scares the crap out of me and to which I have limited understanding. In light of that realization it falls upon me as a loving husband to do whatever it takes to help her help herself in mastering her mental condition and rise above her perceived mental weaknesses. I don’t care how long it takes and if in ten years Leslie’s ability to control her depression is only 5% improved then that’s a victory in my book, as long as she is always challenging herself and trying to conquer her mind paralyzing disorder. How do you move a mountain? One rock at a time. Do I feel up to the challenge? Well, once I moved a big pile of dirt with a wheel barrow and it took a few hours, so I figure a mountain may take awhile. I’d better pick up the pace.

One of the things that attracted me to Leslie was her extreme intelligence and ease at which she can do many things. She is gifted and endowed with numerous talents that I dream of having. Well now I have access to them but they are locked away most days due to the crippling effects of depression. When on occasion those talents are unleashed their affect on me is extremely positive and I get to learn and grow. Leslie has a fantastic ability to help people want to be better and If I can help her master her weaknesses then all those talents will have a chance to be explored and developed benefiting mostly me (I know I’m selfish) and all those around her.

Leslie often feels like she is a burden to me but in reality I try to work hard so that I don’t feel like I’m a burden to her. She has been a wonderful wife and most of all a friend who has strengthened so many weak areas of my life. She deserves a lot of credit for motivating me to be a better person and work towards a better future. If she was an optimist she probably would have figured that out by now.