All Entries Tagged With: "challenges"

For Someone You Love

Leslie and I have almost been married for 2 years and it’s truly been a roller coaster ride. We have been together since 2005 and since the beginning she has always told me she was crazy and had all these issues.  I would tell her she wasn’t crazy but interesting and in every sense of the word an individual.  She had her own way and it didn’t bother me at all.  She would try to explain some of her conditions but I really had know idea how they made her feel because I didn’t suffer from any of them.  She was just Mellow-Leslie to me, someone who was readily and easily entertained. For the most part I didn’t really think much of her conditions and I continued that pattern of thought into our marriage.  It really hit me that I had no clue what she was going through when it really affected my master plan for having a family.  If you’ve read baby breakdown then you know how big of a struggle having children will be for us.  I will admit that before I started to truly understand Leslie’s depression I was frustrated with her more often than not because I just wanted her to snap out of it so we could start our family.  I have come to realize that I was doing more harm then good. Not having gone through the deep emotion of depression has made it difficult for me to truly understand, however, as I read and discuss it with Leslie I feel more confident than ever that we can overcome it together. Just last night I was talking to Leslie about challenging her negative thoughts one at a time.  We both know it wont be easy but I have seen a few glimpse of a depression free Leslie and I love it. Leslie my not have the confidence to have children at this time but I know we will get there and in the meantime we will continue to work on controlling her thoughts just one at a time.

I’m not the most paitent person in the world, but as I work with Leslie I have disovered a side of me I didn’t know existed.  A little more compassion, a little more understanding a whole lot of patience and a quiet resolve to conquor the depression beast within my wife are the things I’m learning.  I accept the responsibility of helping Leslie overcome her disorders so she can expirence the great joy of life in its fullness.  It will take a great effort on my behalf but I believe I’m ready now and beside wouldn’t you do the same for someone you love?

Living with Depression

I have been living and coping with depression for over 2 years now and I am happy to say it’s getting easier. I must confess the depression is not mine but my wife’s.  She has suffered from it most of her life and after being married for a year I have been making a conscious effort to understand the symptoms that cause this debilitating condition.  We have been learning about cognitive behavioral techniques that Leslie can do to challenge her belief systems and hopefully tame those thoughts that cause depressive reactions.  So far I am happy to report that she is making progress.  The rain has come and although this usually causes depressions face to appear more frequently she seems to be handling it well.  Better than last year that’s for sure.  The best part is that she is noticing in herself a change and feels positive about it.  A small victory it is and one worth celebrating.  May be its just me being optimistic but I can envision her completely in charge of her condition and capable of functioning without these suppressing conditions.

In all reality it is going to take some time for Leslie to master the different conditions that she suffers from.  I have always told her that she was blessed with great intelligence yet at the same time she was given a few mental challenges that she would need to master before she can tap into that intelligence in its entirety. She will continue to show progress as long as we continue to stick with our self education on over coming depression and other mental disorders.  This is something I am committed to as she is my best friend and companion and I believe in her.

Challenging our mind

One of the criteria my wife listed as a must have before marrying me was that I had to have a passion for something, I had to want to do something with my life, a vision is what she was looking for. She wakes up in the morning and believes she has no passion no vision for her life. People who suffer from depression often feel they have no justification for living.

Is the absence of passionate beliefs or a vision for life the same as depression? Possibly. The positive things you believe in can fade when you listen to the roar of depressive beliefs. You can believe in your ability to solve problems, but when depressed, you shift to believing that you can do nothing right. This type of thinking is what I encounter with Leslie almost every day in some way. The whole point of me learning about depression is so I can recognize this type of thinking or belief system and help her challenge it. When tough situations arise our beliefs in a bright future can be overtaken by a belief that you’ll never survive the outcome and the future will remain forever bleak. Leslie and I have been though countless situations were everything seemed to be against us yet some how things worked out. Often she was the one with the bleak outlook.

Our belief system, depressive or not is like a filter. When activated, the filter allows in information that supports the belief. It blocks contradictory information by ignoring the information or explaining it away. This mental filtering helps sustain beliefs, even those that routinely lead to poor results.

There is something thrilling about learning how to understand ones companion.  Leslie’s belief system for the most part is filled with impossible tasks from folding the laundry to making dinner.  These smilingly small tasks overwhelm her into a parallelizing state.  Then thoughts of being a bad wife set in and before you know it she is self fulfilling her every thought causing her depression to deepen.

By understanding and recognizing Leslie’s false belief system I hope to help her challenge it in such a way that it can become automatic over time freeing her from this depressive cycle.

Crocheting keeps the hands busy

Leslie has identified the occasions when she is most likely to feel the urges of trichotillomania. The urges usually occur when she is reading (which she does a lot of) and when she is watching TV. I’m usually not around or have already gone to bed when she is doing these activities, and can’t monitor her or point out to her what’s happening. We decided to get her some of those rubber things people put on their fingers when they are sorting through papers. We got enough for all her fingers and this little trick works when she’s wearing them, however getting her to wear them is a challenge in and of itself. Recently Leslie started trying out a new technique for when she’s watching TV. Crochet. It keeps her hands busy and I think this technique is awesome. Time will tell if this new skill will help break the mental pull of Trichotillomania.

As bad as it sounds I love this disorder as benefits me so much. It like we have a symbiotic relationship except I don’t benefit her as much as she benefits me. I know the relationship is not yet equal but I’m working on it. More education and renewed vigilance on my part will hopefully help Leslie bring this disorder under control. I did get her to stop her life-long habit of biting her nails though, and she has been “clean” for the past 3 years. One disorder down and twenty or so to go.