All Entries Tagged With: "feelings"

“Happy Wife: Happy Life”

Leslie decided to stop blogging for a while as she made new discoveries about herself and codependency. I took it as an opportunity to take a break also but as she has had several people contact her wanting to discuss symptoms and such I thought it might be time to put my two cents in again.  Leslie has been awesome the last couple of months. Earlier in the year I was feeling the pressure and weight of her depression in our marriage.  It was making me feel down and incapable of helping the person I really love.  I felt overwhelmed and really didn’t know what I should do.  What I did know was that our marriage will not be a productive and happy one if we don’t figure out how to overcome this problem. We escaped to Australia earlier this year to spend time with my family. For me it was a time to just do nothing and think about nothing. I was exhausted from work and from Leslie’s depression and other symptoms.  Since coming home I believe that Australia trip to be a life changer.  Leslie figured out that she was codependent and started to research and learn about it.  She has been helping me understand it and watching her come to terms with her life experiences with determination to change the way she thinks has been inspiring.  In addition to that she started trying acupuncture as a method to reduce her allergy symptoms.  This treatment includes NAET principles of energy manipulation.  The way I understand it is that your body is out of balance with things around you causing allergic reactions.  Leslie is allergic to everything.  Since starting these treatments she has been cured from eggs, milk, lactose and histamine.  It makes me so happy to know that my Leslie is going to be able to be free from a vast majority of her allergies over the next few ears as she continues her treatment. In addition to these two different changes in her life there is a significant third- and that’s the sun, it came out.

I asked Leslie a week ago or so if she was depressed and she said no. I would have to affirm that statement.  She hasn’t been acting depressed and I haven’t felt it effecting my moods negatively at all. She has been visibly happier which really puts a smile on my face.  Is the journey still going to be difficult, you bet but at least we are heading in the right direction. I believe eliminating just 50% of her allergies will increase her ability to manage her depression.  With her new found discoveries of codependency she is working at adjusting the way she thinks so she can become mentally stronger.  I don’t know the role the sun plays in all of this but I know it helps so bring it on.

I’m hoping to have her completly cured of everthing by Christmas……is that to optimistic?

New Growth

Right now in life I feel a lot like this tree.  When we went to visit Tareak’s family in Australia we saw some of the devastation the fires caused.  Even though it had only been a couple of months since the fires, there was already life growing from the burnt logs and trees.

I was a burnt tree.  There wasn’t any visible life left in me.  I couldn’t see the point in trying to repair something that seemed beyond hope.  In the past month I have felt the stirrings of life inside of me and it has now sprouted to the point it is visible to others.  I am able to get out of bed without any internal resistance.  I feel like I have more energy.  My relationship with Tareak has significantly improved.  Overall I just feel BETTER!  So what has changed?

While in Australia I noticed something for the first time.  In conversations with others, I had very little to say about myself or my experiences.  I did have a lot to say about Tareak though.  My curiosity was peaked and I began to do some research.  I started seeing words and phrases like, “Codependence”, “White Knight Syndrome”, “Obsessive Love”, “Overdependence”.  Basically what I was seeing is that I had a low self-worth.  This is different from self-esteem.  Because I didn’t see much worth in myself, it became easy to put anything and everything before my own wants and NEEDS.  I had convinced myself that by completely focusing on the needs and wants of others I could find self worth and they would value me because I had helped them so much.  The more I read, the more I realized this is a serious condition.  It is a disease.  An addiction.  “Oh Great!”  I thought, “Just another ailment to add to my list”.  I’ve read three books on the subject now, and have learned that while it is a serious condition, it is treatable.  This is where the stirrings of hope and new life began.

My allergies this year have seemed worse than usual.  During all waking hours I am an itchy sniffly mess.  My sister suggested acupuncture for allergies and I thought “Why not?  Nothing else is working.”  I found an acupuncturist that specializes in getting rid of allergies.  I went to my appointment with zero expectations.  I found that she actually uses a technique called “NAET” which is a mixture of acupuncture, kinesthetics, chiropractics, etc…  Had I researched the technique ahead of time I would have never made the appointment because the results sound too good to be true.  I have only had 2 appointment and have been treated for my allergy to eggs and lactose.  NAET suggests that most ailments are caused by underlying allergies in the body and if those allergies are eliminated the ailment will clear up.  It claims to heal depression, anxiety, OCD, and a huge list of other problems.  Had I not seen the definite improvements after my two appointments I would be skeptical, but now I have hope.  The idea of being allergy free is more than I ever thought possible.

It is almost summer.  We have had a warm and sunny spring.  The sun is healing.  The sun makes me happy to get out of bed.  I have also been taking Vitamin D supplements for a month and have noticed a change in my mood.  I don’t know if it is just the weather, or if the Vitamin D is helping, but I have no complaints either way.

Between learning about co-dependence, how to treat my allergies and the healing effects of the sun and Vitamin D, I am feeling good.  I still have several books to read on my conditions, but I think I am off to a good start.  Hopefully you won’t even recognize me in a few months.  Instead of a burnt stump I will be a huge green tree oozing with new life.

Depression in Teenagers

I believe that as a teenager I suffered from depression, but I was never formally diagnosed or screened.  Most people look at teenagers as moody and unstable emotionally, so detecting something like depression can be tricky.  Since I wasn’t suicidal like some depressed teenagers it became even harder to diagnose.  A recent article states that “about half of all mental illnesses arise by age 14.”  I often wonder if I could have been diagnosed younger how that would effect my current depression.  “As with many illnesses, the earlier that treatment can begin, the more effective it is and the greater the likelihood that recurrence can be prevented.”

Experts are now pushing for early screening for depression in teenagers.  If you understand depression and the effects it can have, you are able to learn skills and techniques at an early age in order to help you lead a more healthy positive life.  A professor at the University of Chicago Medical Center led a study using an interactive web-based tool called “Project CATCH-IT“.  He explains that screening can help and that the project “showed promise at helping reduce symptoms of depression in at-risk adolescents by teaching such skills as altering pessimistic thinking, avoiding procrastination, and making a point of doing enjoyable things. Because they’re inexperienced, adolescents can find it tricky to sift what’s normal from what’s not. Maybe they’ve had a spat with a boyfriend or girlfriend; maybe their mom yelled at them; maybe they’ve had a series of disappointments in school, and suddenly they’re feeling bad and they’re not sure if the problems are to blame or if something more is affecting them.”

I think it is great that doctors want to make screening for depression a regular part of a check-up, but the article points out there could be some dangers.  “The new recommendation comes with a serious caveat: that adolescents should be screened only “when systems are in place to ensure accurate diagnosis, psychotherapy, and follow-up,” the panel said. Otherwise, says Calonge, “you just identify the problem and you haven’t done anything [else]. Plus, we don’t want people just pulling out the prescription pad, because there’s a concern that [medication] may do more harm than good; we’re just worried about that.” Calonge’s group found “convincing evidence” that a commonly prescribed class of antidepressants—selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors [SSRIs]—can raise the risk of suicidal thoughts or actions in adolescents, which is why the task force urged that those drugs, though often effective, should be considered only when young patients can be closely supervised.”

While the dangers are real, I think the potential benefits outweigh the risks.  “Oscar Bukstein, a child and adolescent psychiatrist and an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine says, “If you look at the natural history of depression, you find that there’s a marked increase in the onset of depression in adolescence, post-puberty,” he says, “and that many, if not most people who have recurrent depression will often point to adolescence as a point of onset.”" Much good can come from the screening and I hope that for the sake of all the depressed teenagers out there, they can be accurately screened and treated so they don’t have to suffer from recurrent depression as I have.

Combating Negativity

I must admit that in the last few months I have allowed myself to feel down.  This could have been caused by Leslie’s influence on me, which is what I was thinking.  I have since come to realize that in addition to her negative influence I have felt job dissatisfaction. I have a strong desire to be successful at something, anything and I strive to do a great job for my employer.  My employer believes that I am an asset to the company but I feel like I should be able to do more.  It drives me crazy thinking that I could have done a better job but failed to meet my own expectations.  On top of that I have been feeling down about 4 years of failing as an entrepreneur.  It addition to that I have been struggling to help Leslie with her depression.  On top of all those issues I really want to start my family and that’s just not possible right now.  So I have been feeling a little down lately and have really been excited to go home to Australia in a few weeks to just take a break.

Leslie noticed that I was at an all-time low and found a book that reminded her of me… well, of the “old-me”.  It is called the 4 hour work week and she was right- I love it! This guy is doing what I have been trying to do for the last 5 years.  WOW have I been screwing things up.  Well better late then never.  Since reading this book I feel the excitement of life creeping back into me.  I feel rejuvenated and ready for the next round.  I guess you could say I was feeling a little sorry for myself for all of my failures instead of focusing on my successes.  But I’m back to my usual optimistic self and all is well.