All Entries Tagged With: "Hawaii"
Misconceptions
When Tareak told me we would be going to Hawaii for a week in November I was excited. He commented that he hadn’t seen me so excited in a long time. Of course I was excited to go to Hawaii! In many ways I feel more at home on an isolated island in the middle of the Pacific than I do in Washington where I grew up. While I was happy about going to Hawaii, and happy while I was there, my depression didn’t disappear.
Tareak was excited for me to blog in Hawaii because he was sure we would see an extreme change in my outlook and attitude. I was tired in Hawaii. I didn’t feel like blogging. I was more active during my week long “vacation” than I am at home. In a typical week at home I leave the house about twice. I go to church on Sunday, and I will usually go to the grocery store once during the week. I don’t even have to step outside my house to check the mail, it is delivered to our door. While in Hawaii not only did I leave the house every day, I had much more social interaction than I do at home. As much as I love Kaya, my dog, she can’t replace human interaction. I enjoyed leaving the house daily, and I enjoyed talking to people other than Tareak (don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my husband. Except for when he is at work, we literally spend every minute together and I like it that way). But all this activity and interaction left me feeling physically and mentally exhausted by the end of each day.
The Hawaiian sun is theraputic. Nothing compares to the feeling of the warm sun bathing your body in it’s rays. It truly is healing. Now time for a confession: During the 5 years I lived in Hawaii I went to the beach on average once every 2 months. Another confession. My little sister came with us to Hawaii this past week. Had she not been there I would not have gone to the beach, much less left the house. Just because I was in Hawaii did not mean that I didn’t suffer from depression.
As much as Tareak has learned these past few months, I still feel like he thinks there is a “quick fix” to depression. He thinks moving to Hawaii is that fix. He sees my extreme range of emotions when it comes to Hawaii. I can’t watch the shows on the Travel Channel about Hawaii- I cry every time. But stepping off the plane in Hawaii brings levels of excitement comparable to a child going to Disneyland for the first time. Tareak feels guilty that we don’t live in Hawaii. He thinks that if we lived there my depression would go away, or at least be easier to manage. Unfortunately, I don’t think this is true.
If we lived somewhere that was sunny more than 15 days each year, SAD would not be an issue. But SAD and Depression aren’t the same thing. SAD is just one more thing on top of the existing depression. For this reason Hawaii could be an ideal place to live one day. Another reason I enjoy Hawaii is the people. The 5 years that I lived in Hawaii, I lived on the North Shore. People who live here aren’t rich (even though their homes are worth almost $1 million). I always got the sense that the people were very content with their lives. For the most part they weren’t aspiring to make millions, they were happy to just have enough to get by. One of the triggers of my depression is my feelings of inadaquacy. I feel like I SHOULD be able to have a full time job. I feel like I SHOULD have been able to finish my degree. I feel like I SHOULD already have 3 kids. In Hawaii I never felt judged or looked down upon. I never felt like I SHOULD be doing anything in particular, I just felt accepted for who I was and the feelings of inadaquacy weren’t so strong.
I know the answer to conquering my depression isn’t in Hawaii. It may help me find the answer, but ultimately I need to look inside myself and heal from the inside out, and not rely on the sun to do all the work.
Stress is Good? I Don’t Get it!
My primary reason for coming to Hawaii was to attended an International Business Conference and network. It’s over and I felt like it was a success. I met with the people I wanted and learned a lot from some very financially successful people. While I have been thinking about all this business stuff, I found out that Leslie has wanted me to be able to switch out of business mode and vacation with her, her little sister and my brother. In other words I need to be thinking of things to do that will entertain them. I lived here for 6 years so there is nothing that I really feel I need to do while I’m here. I just want to do nothing. Isn’t that what a vacation is about? Last night Leslie and I got into a discussion on a misunderstood expectation about what we would be doing when I’m not at the conference and I have to admit that I told her I was starting to stress out. She was a little surprised so I explained all the things on my mind. Leslie wants to move back to Hawaii so I’ve been thinking about how I could make that happen, then there are my failed business ventures that I will have to let go of. There are the new business ventures that might resurrect my my attempts at entrepreneurialship and then there is the entertaining of Leslie’s little sister and my older brother. There are all my friends here in Hawaii that I haven’t seen and won’t get a chance to see and then there are the friends I have seen who want me to hang out with them but then I have to think about the best thing for the group. I’m stressed out because at the end of the day I feel a need to take care of the interests of the group before my own.
This is the kicker. Leslie told me that not only am I stressed but that I’m suffering from a little anxiety as well. Go figure, suffering from stress and anxiety in a place I love- Hawaii. Well it gets more interesting. Leslie is also feeling stressed about many of the things I mentioned above, and because we didn’t communitate our expectations on how we’d be spending our time, she has been a bit disappointed with our Hawaii vacation. After finding out that I’m a little stressed she tells me that she is glad I verbalized my stresses because she had no idea I was feeling that way. She also explained that it is good for her when I express these emotions because it forces her to focus on me instead of her own issues. So in order for her to be stressed less about her own issues, I need to verbally be stressed more. I’ll be honest I don’t quite get it (but I’m sure after reading this, she will sit me down and explain it again. Most times when I feel a little stress I keep it to myself and work through it but if it will help Leslie reduce her anxiety and stress levels then I guess I will have to be stressed out verbally more often.
Hawaiian Sun, A Natural Remedy
A few weeks back I got an email about a business conference in where I went to college in Hawaii. I told Leslie about it and she of course suggested we attend. (What a great excuse.) The funny thing is a few days before that I had unknowingly scheduled my week vacation during the time of the conference. Coincidence, I think not, more like Divine intervention if you ask me. I was meant to come to Hawaii and participate in the conference and bring my lovely wife along. Leslie has been begging to come back to Hawaii since we got married. She often feels like this place has natural healing properties.
I left work at 4:00 am Monday morning to help Leslie get the last minute things ready for our trip. It’s raining outside and she is excited to escape it’s dreary embrace. At 7:00 am my mother-in-law drives up in the van with Leslie’s little sister who is coming with us. My older brother, who is visiting, and I load the bags and off we go. At the airport Mum (Australian spelling)-in-law gives everybody a hug and leaves. We get our bags checked in and Leslie asks me were is my laptop bag with all my business stuff. In my mind a flashing sign pops up with the words “You idiot” “Moron” “How could you forget the most important item?”. Then the thought came to me that I hadn’t slept since 12:30 pm the previous day, that is 20+ hours without sleep. (Not a good reason if you ask Leslie, but still a reason to me.) Leslie’s mum didn’t have her cell phone with her, so we called her dad and woke him up to help us locate her. To sum up the story we got a hold of her and and she came back to the airport. My older brother, Leslie’s little sister and I went through the security checks and on to the boarding area of our flight as we were listening to the a person page final boarding call for passengers traveling to Hawaii. As the last passengers were boarding I got real nervous thinking Leslie’s wasn’t going to make it and I would have to fake a heart attack or something to stall the gates from closing. Just as I was planning my theatrical performance I saw Leslie walking at top speed towards me. I took a deep breath, smiled and boarded the plan.
We haven’t really discussed it yet, but I felt quite a bit of anxiety building in me because of this forgetful mishap and I can only imagine what was going through Leslie’s mind. One thing I do know is that since we landed in Hawaii and got settled into the place we are staying she has had an enormous smile on her face. Who needs antidepressant when you live in Hawaii. We have only been here one day and she wants to move back here. Not a bad idea! I will have to give it some thought, especially if it makes her naturally happier.
Trichotillomania – My wife pulls my facial hair out
When I was about 16 I started getting facial hair which I thought was cool. As I got older I realized that the hair on my face was creeping up my checks. Instead of shaving it I decided to puck it out instead and only shave along a specific line. I didn’t want to have a thick beard line under my eyes like you see with some guys. I maintained my beard line for years and my hard work paid off. I did not have a beard line under my eyes.
When I meet Leslie in Hawaii I somehow mentioned that I pluck the hair on my upper checks as a part of my grooming habits. She was fascinated and asked if she could do it. I was a little shocked that she wanted to do it but I decided it would be ok. Secretly I was excited because I had always dreamed of marrying a girl who would fix my face every week. The whole process takes about an hour once a week. I’m very particular about how I pluck the hair on my cheeks, which I explained to Leslie. I got a mirror so I could watch what she was doing and gave her constant instructions on the way I like it done. This visibly frustrated her and the truth is I was surprised she put up with it. Well she did it a few times and got better and better at doing it the way I wanted. In my mind I was thinking I found my dream girl. Crazy huh.
Well shortly after this experience we started dating and then I returned to Australia. I was a wreck. Having Leslie fix my face was a luxury, my very own little spa therapist. Some time passed and we decided to get married, but before we could get married I needed to talk to her dad and meet her family. I flew to Vancouver, Canada and Leslie and the family drove up as I was not permitted to come into the country until my visa was processed. Well we had a great trip and I got the permission then they left. The day before I was fly home I had a rental with a full tank of gas so I decided to go down to the border and ask the guys if I could go see my fiancé for a few hours before my flight. They were very cool and they let me surprise Leslie with a spontaneous visit.
Leslie and I were hanging out in her room at her parents’ house when she told me that she suffers from trichotillomania. The first thought that came to my mind was “Crap that sounds bad. Why is she telling me now, I just got permission to marry you”. Well she explained that she has compulsive urges to pull out her hair. “Aah it all makes sense now”, I was thinking. Where in the world can you find a beautiful girl who is patient and detail oriented enough to want to pluck hundreds of little hairs from your checks? Nowhere thats where! For me this is a rare gift that benefits me tremendously. On the flip side as I have been leaning about it, it is quit the challenge for Leslie to control. She pulls her eye brows and eye lashes out and I can never catch her at it. She spends a lot of time making me beautiful yet at the same time she kills her good looks because of the disorder. My goal is to help her bring it under control allowing for a controlled release on my face.