Depressed Les» intelligence

She got the Rose

Tareak — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 12:22:07 +0000

I think its funny that Leslie asked me if she was on The Bachelor would I have given her the rose. I might not have had an opportunity to scan through possible marriage candidates via an application process. Or for that matter had them all try to impress me at the same time in addition to me impressing them with budget blowing dates. After all the fancy dates are over and the contestants are reduced to one, the real reality sets in and unfortunately The Bachelor has not proven to be a place were lasting love can be found. All I had was a willingness to work, a little money and a big dream. What did she have to offer me …….? Once you peel back the mental health issues and a dislike for dancing there is a person with unmeasurable intelligence and talent. If I’m never able to help Leslie tap into it in this life I promise I will be tapping into it in the eternities. I believe that each of us are literal spiritual off spring of a loving Father in Heaven and were blessed with varying degrees of intelligence. What I offered to Leslie was a no frills eternal rose, one that so far has lasted longer then a few fleeting months. In the end we chose each other and I’m smart enough to know that I can’t lose in this deal.

Living with Depression

Tareak — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 00:30:25 +0000

I have been living and coping with depression for over 2 years now and I am happy to say it’s getting easier. I must confess the depression is not mine but my wife’s. She has suffered from it most of her life and after being married for a year I have been making a conscious effort to understand the symptoms that cause this debilitating condition. We have been learning about cognitive behavioral techniques that Leslie can do to challenge her belief systems and hopefully tame those thoughts that cause depressive reactions. So far I am happy to report that she is making progress. The rain has come and although this usually causes depressions face to appear more frequently she seems to be handling it well. Better than last year that’s for sure. The best part is that she is noticing in herself a change and feels positive about it. A small victory it is and one worth celebrating. May be its just me being optimistic but I can envision her completely in charge of her condition and capable of functioning without these suppressing conditions.

In all reality it is going to take some time for Leslie to master the different conditions that she suffers from. I have always told her that she was blessed with great intelligence yet at the same time she was given a few mental challenges that she would need to master before she can tap into that intelligence in its entirety. She will continue to show progress as long as we continue to stick with our self education on over coming depression and other mental disorders. This is something I am committed to as she is my best friend and companion and I believe in her.

You may be a Rock but I move Mountains

Tareak — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 00:30:53 +0000

I was telling Leslie today after reading her blog that it’s so insightful and helps me understand her better when she expresses what she’s going through in writing. She tries to explain it to me but I’m a little slow of learning and reading her thoughts gives me a chance to truly digest the emotion and feelings she must go through every day. As I study about depression and learn techniques that will help Leslie control her depression it has helped me feel more empathetic and loving towards her. I must admit that at times I catch myself thinking that I’m supporting a lazy person and that she needs to do more. I love the fact that financially my wife does not need to go to work. That leaves her with all the time in the world to make our home a beautiful and inviting place to be and she can develop her own interests while preparing to start a family. You can call me old fashioned or a chauvinist, that is completely your choice but I loved growing up watching my father take care of our financial needs while my mother took care of the home and us kids. They had a great system, one that I want to adopt and customize with Leslie.

It has taken some time for me to accept that she is struggling with something that scares the crap out of me and to which I have limited understanding. In light of that realization it falls upon me as a loving husband to do whatever it takes to help her help herself in mastering her mental condition and rise above her perceived mental weaknesses. I don’t care how long it takes and if in ten years Leslie’s ability to control her depression is only 5% improved then that’s a victory in my book, as long as she is always challenging herself and trying to conquer her mind paralyzing disorder. How do you move a mountain? One rock at a time. Do I feel up to the challenge? Well, once I moved a big pile of dirt with a wheel barrow and it took a few hours, so I figure a mountain may take awhile. I’d better pick up the pace.

One of the things that attracted me to Leslie was her extreme intelligence and ease at which she can do many things. She is gifted and endowed with numerous talents that I dream of having. Well now I have access to them but they are locked away most days due to the crippling effects of depression. When on occasion those talents are unleashed their affect on me is extremely positive and I get to learn and grow. Leslie has a fantastic ability to help people want to be better and If I can help her master her weaknesses then all those talents will have a chance to be explored and developed benefiting mostly me (I know I’m selfish) and all those around her.

Leslie often feels like she is a burden to me but in reality I try to work hard so that I don’t feel like I’m a burden to her. She has been a wonderful wife and most of all a friend who has strengthened so many weak areas of my life. She deserves a lot of credit for motivating me to be a better person and work towards a better future. If she was an optimist she probably would have figured that out by now.

Tears of understanding

Tareak — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 23:15:24 +0000

A few nights ago I was at work and decided to give Leslie a call. We chatted for a few minutes and then I had to go so I said good bye and hung up. Something seemed odd so I called back and what do you know, she’s crying. I asked what the problem was and she gave me her classic answer, “I don’t know”. I told her I was coming home to check on her. Lucky for me I work five minutes from home and I have some understanding colleagues who covered for me. When I got home Leslie was in bed crying so I knelt down beside her and asked her what was going on. She told me she felt like a useless wife. After reading up on depressive thinking I have figured out that these types of thoughts are fairly common. It blows me away that she will believe these thoughts so easily and allow them to consume her.

I often feel helpless but recently that feeling has changed and I feel a little more confident in helping Leslie identify these negative thoughts that are completely false. The next part is to help Leslie work at challenging these thoughts and exposing them as fraudulent. The exercises that are recommended in our depression work book have been very insightful and we are making progress. Last night I told Leslie how excited I was for the day she mastered her depression because she will be able to explore all that life has to offer. In addition to the exploring, all those around her will benefit from her intelligence, especially me.

She is a genius after all.