All Entries Tagged With: "negative thoughts"

For Someone You Love

Leslie and I have almost been married for 2 years and it’s truly been a roller coaster ride. We have been together since 2005 and since the beginning she has always told me she was crazy and had all these issues.  I would tell her she wasn’t crazy but interesting and in every sense of the word an individual.  She had her own way and it didn’t bother me at all.  She would try to explain some of her conditions but I really had know idea how they made her feel because I didn’t suffer from any of them.  She was just Mellow-Leslie to me, someone who was readily and easily entertained. For the most part I didn’t really think much of her conditions and I continued that pattern of thought into our marriage.  It really hit me that I had no clue what she was going through when it really affected my master plan for having a family.  If you’ve read baby breakdown then you know how big of a struggle having children will be for us.  I will admit that before I started to truly understand Leslie’s depression I was frustrated with her more often than not because I just wanted her to snap out of it so we could start our family.  I have come to realize that I was doing more harm then good. Not having gone through the deep emotion of depression has made it difficult for me to truly understand, however, as I read and discuss it with Leslie I feel more confident than ever that we can overcome it together. Just last night I was talking to Leslie about challenging her negative thoughts one at a time.  We both know it wont be easy but I have seen a few glimpse of a depression free Leslie and I love it. Leslie my not have the confidence to have children at this time but I know we will get there and in the meantime we will continue to work on controlling her thoughts just one at a time.

I’m not the most paitent person in the world, but as I work with Leslie I have disovered a side of me I didn’t know existed.  A little more compassion, a little more understanding a whole lot of patience and a quiet resolve to conquor the depression beast within my wife are the things I’m learning.  I accept the responsibility of helping Leslie overcome her disorders so she can expirence the great joy of life in its fullness.  It will take a great effort on my behalf but I believe I’m ready now and beside wouldn’t you do the same for someone you love?

Tears of understanding

A few nights ago I was at work and decided to give Leslie a call. We chatted for a few minutes and then I had to go so I said good bye and hung up. Something seemed odd so I called back and what do you know, she’s crying. I asked what the problem was and she gave me her classic answer, “I don’t know”. I told her I was coming home to check on her. Lucky for me I work five minutes from home and I have some understanding colleagues who covered for me. When I got home Leslie was in bed crying so I knelt down beside her and asked her what was going on. She told me she felt like a useless wife. After reading up on depressive thinking I have figured out that these types of thoughts are fairly common. It blows me away that she will believe these thoughts so easily and allow them to consume her.

I often feel helpless but recently that feeling has changed and I feel a little more confident in helping Leslie identify these negative thoughts that are completely false. The next part is to help Leslie work at challenging these thoughts and exposing them as fraudulent. The exercises that are recommended in our depression work book have been very insightful and we are making progress. Last night I told Leslie how excited I was for the day she mastered her depression because she will be able to explore all that life has to offer. In addition to the exploring, all those around her will benefit from her intelligence, especially me.

She is a genius after all.