All Entries Tagged With: "optimist"

Combating Negativity

I must admit that in the last few months I have allowed myself to feel down.  This could have been caused by Leslie’s influence on me, which is what I was thinking.  I have since come to realize that in addition to her negative influence I have felt job dissatisfaction. I have a strong desire to be successful at something, anything and I strive to do a great job for my employer.  My employer believes that I am an asset to the company but I feel like I should be able to do more.  It drives me crazy thinking that I could have done a better job but failed to meet my own expectations.  On top of that I have been feeling down about 4 years of failing as an entrepreneur.  It addition to that I have been struggling to help Leslie with her depression.  On top of all those issues I really want to start my family and that’s just not possible right now.  So I have been feeling a little down lately and have really been excited to go home to Australia in a few weeks to just take a break.

Leslie noticed that I was at an all-time low and found a book that reminded her of me… well, of the “old-me”.  It is called the 4 hour work week and she was right- I love it! This guy is doing what I have been trying to do for the last 5 years.  WOW have I been screwing things up.  Well better late then never.  Since reading this book I feel the excitement of life creeping back into me.  I feel rejuvenated and ready for the next round.  I guess you could say I was feeling a little sorry for myself for all of my failures instead of focusing on my successes.  But I’m back to my usual optimistic self and all is well.

Oh Great!

Today I came across a study showing that Mom’s pass along depression to their children.  As if I wasn’t already worried about screwing up the kids I’ll have!

Moms pass depression on to kids

By Rita Rubin, USA TODAY

But a mother’s continued depression increases her child’s risk of such problems, the study shows. Researchers said it is the first published study to show that a child will benefit if the mother’s depression is treated effectively.

Researchers studied 151 mother-child pairs. The mothers were taking medication as part of a larger study about treating depression in the general population. The children’s ages were 7 to 17, and the average age was 12.

At the beginning of the study, about a third of the children had a psychiatric disorder, including depression, anxiety and disruptive behavior.

By the end of three months, about a third of the mothers saw their depression go into remission. Among their children, there was an 11% drop in rates of psychiatric diagnoses. Among children of mothers who were still depressed, there was an 8% rise in diagnoses.

The relationship between mothers’ depression and children’s diagnoses at the end of three months was similar whether or not the children had a diagnosis at the beginning of the study, the researchers write in The Journal of the American Medical Association.

“We know that depression and other disorders are brought on by strong environmental stresses,” says lead author Myrna Weissman, a psychologist at Columbia University and the New York State Psychiatric Institute. “Having a parent with an illness is a big environmental stress.”

Weissman and her colleagues speculate that the mothers’ remission initiated a “virtuous cycle” in which the mothers and children positively influenced each other. Researchers are continuing to assess the mothers’ depression and children’s diagnoses every three months for a total of two years.

William Beardslee, academic chair of psychiatry at Children’s Hospital Boston, called Weissman’s data “very encouraging.”

“In our view, depression in parents is a family calamity, but it is one that can be overcome.”

Tareak and I have been talking about starting a family for a while now.  Among many other reasons, I am afraid to get pregnant because of the possible effects my depression will have on the baby.  Everyone wants the “perfect baby”, and getting pregnant knowing that I could harm the baby before it is even born scares me.  But what worries me even more is that after the baby is born I won’t be able to take care of it.  What if I have one of my “episodes” and just can’t get myself out of bed that day?  What if I don’t change my baby’s diaper all day because I’m too absorbed in my own misery?  Because Tareak is an optimist he will say, “This is why we are learning to cope with your depression now, so it won’t be as big of an issue when we have kids.”  “Don’t worry about it Leslie, I’m going to be there to help you.”  But somehow, I still feel overwhelmed and unequal to the task.

You may be a Rock but I move Mountains

I was telling Leslie today after reading her blog that it’s so insightful and helps me understand her better when she expresses what she’s going through in writing. She tries to explain it to me but I’m a little slow of learning and reading her thoughts gives me a chance to truly digest the emotion and feelings she must go through every day. As I study about depression and learn techniques that will help Leslie control her depression it has helped me feel more empathetic and loving towards her. I must admit that at times I catch myself thinking that I’m supporting a lazy person and that she needs to do more. I love the fact that financially my wife does not need to go to work. That leaves her with all the time in the world to make our home a beautiful and inviting place to be and she can develop her own interests while preparing to start a family. You can call me old fashioned or a chauvinist, that is completely your choice but I loved growing up watching my father take care of our financial needs while my mother took care of the home and us kids. They had a great system, one that I want to adopt and customize with Leslie.

It has taken some time for me to accept that she is struggling with something that scares the crap out of me and to which I have limited understanding. In light of that realization it falls upon me as a loving husband to do whatever it takes to help her help herself in mastering her mental condition and rise above her perceived mental weaknesses. I don’t care how long it takes and if in ten years Leslie’s ability to control her depression is only 5% improved then that’s a victory in my book, as long as she is always challenging herself and trying to conquer her mind paralyzing disorder. How do you move a mountain? One rock at a time. Do I feel up to the challenge? Well, once I moved a big pile of dirt with a wheel barrow and it took a few hours, so I figure a mountain may take awhile. I’d better pick up the pace.

One of the things that attracted me to Leslie was her extreme intelligence and ease at which she can do many things. She is gifted and endowed with numerous talents that I dream of having. Well now I have access to them but they are locked away most days due to the crippling effects of depression. When on occasion those talents are unleashed their affect on me is extremely positive and I get to learn and grow. Leslie has a fantastic ability to help people want to be better and If I can help her master her weaknesses then all those talents will have a chance to be explored and developed benefiting mostly me (I know I’m selfish) and all those around her.

Leslie often feels like she is a burden to me but in reality I try to work hard so that I don’t feel like I’m a burden to her. She has been a wonderful wife and most of all a friend who has strengthened so many weak areas of my life. She deserves a lot of credit for motivating me to be a better person and work towards a better future. If she was an optimist she probably would have figured that out by now.

I married a depressed person

Hi, my name is Tareak (tar-ick) and I’m an Aussie, you know, from Australia. I met a lovely American girl in Hawaii and ended up marrying her. Like every couple we have our challenges and at times I think it would be easier if I were single again but then I think about how much better my life is with her in it and I kick myself for thinking stupid thoughts.

My wife suffers from depression and Trichotillomania and until I met her I had a limited understanding of what that all meant. Over the last year I have had an opportunity to increase my understanding of this terrible condition and the truth is, it sucks. I consider myself a depressed-free individual. My wife sometimes refers to me as “sickeningly optimistic”. Can I help it if I lean towards the positive aspects of life even in the face of terrible circumstances? Through my wife’s depression, I have reflected on my life and been able to identify a number of occasions when I too have been depressed. Crazy huh, an optimist who gets depressed and doesn’t even realize it.

A few months back, Leslie and I decided to do two things: first, help me understand what she goes through every day and second, help her to overcome the feelings of depression though education and cognitive behavioral exercises. We ordered two or three workbooks that focus on different learned skills that can help individuals overcome depression and we are currently on chapter four. It has been insightful and scary at the same time. This depression thing is so consuming and I am in awe at how well Leslie copes with it.

There are a few things I would like to get out of this blog. They are the following:

1. Increase my understanding of depression through sharing my thoughts and hopefully create discussion with people who have experiences to share

2. As I was unable to read until I was fifteen my writing skills are underdeveloped and it is difficult to organize my thoughts using the written word, so I’m hoping this will help me write better. So if my thoughts seem chaotic please comment so I can improve

3. Writing regularly in a blog will force my mind to think more deeply about the subject matter. This in turn will help me better understand my wife and give me an increased ability to help her

4. Open my heart and mind to be more understanding of the different types of conditions people suffer from, depression, trichotillomania, social anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorders, etc… and be less judgmental

5. Be a proactive force for happiness in my wife’s life…. “It’s okay to act the clown when someone is down”