Depressed Les» relationship

Angry with Depression

Leslie — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 04:50:15 +0000

Loss of interest in normal daily activities

Feeling sad or down

Feeling hopeless

Crying spells for no apparent reason

Problems sleeping

Trouble focusing or concentrating

Difficulty making decisions

Unintentional weight gain or loss

Irritability

Restlessness

Being easily annoyed

Feeling fatigued or weak

Feeling worthless

Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain
or headaches

I don’t know how I let this happen- AGAIN! I thought I had everything under control despite all of the major life changes occurring right now. It makes me wonder if it was the Wellbutrin that was helping me, or if it was the fact that I was getting my house ready to sell and I was BUSY.

I am in limbo right now, living in the room above my parents garage. We are waiting to find out when Tareak can be transferred to Georgia where we can start a new life. He is doing a temporary job with his company right now and he is working 12-15 hour days. He hasn’t had a day off in a month, including weekends. I’m not used to him being gone so much. I feel bad for Tareak. He gets home after a long day of work and just wants to relax with me, but I am beyond BLAH and don’t know why. I don’t like it at all and I take out all my frustrations on him when he gets home.

I’ve felt myself slipping for the past couple weeks, but today I finally admitted to myself that I have re-entered the world of depression. Instead of feeling the dread of knowing what is coming, I just feel angry. I’m angry that I didn’t see this coming. I’m angry that there is nothing I could have done to prevent the depression from coming back. I’m angry with Tareak’s company for putting us in this position. I’m angry I can’t just snap myself out of this. I’m angry that all I want to do is curl up in bed and never wake up, but I can’t even fall asleep. I’m angry that depression is a disease and not just a passing mood. I’m angry that my magic purple pill (Wellbutrin) isn’t working miracles on me. In other words, I’m just plain angry with Depression.

“More than your biochemistry…”

Leslie — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 12:38:05 +0000

This article was on the Psychology Today website. The author believes that “Depression is more a social problem than a medical one, and no purely biological cure will be found for it any more than biology alone will cure other social ills such as poverty or child abuse”.

I think this is an interesting theory and one that I definitely buy into. In the last month of improvements I’ve seen in my life, my medication dosages have not changed, but my attitude has- and this has improved my relationship with Tareak and my view of myself.

Let’s Expand Our View of Depression: You’re More Than Your Biochemistry

By Michael D. Yapko, Ph.D. on June 2, 2009 – 8:29am in The Social Side of Depression

The costs of depression on a variety of levels are huge: Marriages and families splinter, individuals suffer, societies suffer the consequences of the often destructive behaviors of people coping badly or not at all with their depression, businesses suffer the negative effects of employees too disabled to function properly, the economic costs of greater health care expenses are greater for depressed patients, and there is the tragedy of suicide – lives lost to despair and apathy. Depression is a terribly disabling disorder, and despite significant advances in treatment, the problem continues to grow.

Depression is a multi-dimensional disorder. It has biological components based in genetics, neurochemistry and physical health, it has psychological components that involve many individual factors such as cognitive style, coping style, and qualities of personal behavior. And, it has social components, factors that are mediated by the quality of one’s relationships, including such variables as the family and the culture one is socialized into, and one’s range of social skills. The best, most accurate answer to the basic question, “What causes depression?” is, “Many things.”

Currently, the medical model of depression receives the greatest attention for a variety of reasons. The pharmaceutical industry in particular has invested tens of billions of dollars in advertising to the public as well as investing directly in individual physicians, encouraging all to define depression as a disease caused by a neurochemical imbalance that requires medication to manage. The lion’s share of research money goes to drug research, further elevating drugs to the status of being the source of hope for everyone who suffers depression. As a result, antidepressants are the most widely prescribed medication in the U.S., and are considered a first-line treatment approach, de-emphasizing the value of psychotherapy despite its success not only in treatment, but in the area of prevention.

It may sound extreme to some, but I stand by this statement: Depression is more a social problem than a medical one, and no purely biological cure will be found for it any more than biology alone will cure other social ills such as poverty or child abuse. This is not to say that antidepressant medications shouldn’t be a part of treatment, especially in those specific instances where there are clear benefits medication can provide over psychotherapy. Rather, medications should be used more carefully and with an associated recommendation for a well-considered skill-building psychotherapy.

The social side of depression is especially important, yet is terribly under-considered in most people’s consideration. We know, for example, that depression runs in families: The child of a depressed parent is anywhere from three to six times more likely to become depressed than the child of a non-depressed parent. The genetics research makes it quite clear that it isn’t entirely – or even mostly – faulty genes responsible, especially since there is no “depression gene.” It has more to do with the patterns of thinking, coping, behaving, and relating that parents (and other significant role models in our society) model day in and day out than it does one’s genetic makeup. When you have the largest demographic group of depression sufferers now raising children, it should surprise no one that their children are the fastest growing group of depression sufferers. After all, parents can’t teach their children what they don’t know.

Furthermore, the more distressed one’s marriage, the more likely one is to either already be or to become depressed. The quality of one’s marriage is a very large risk factor, yet many people never consider how powerful a good marriage can be in helping insulate its members against depression. These points provide excellent reasons to want to strengthen parents and marriages.

To think of depression as only an individual’s biochemical disorder, as if he or she isn’t a product of powerful social forces that operate in families, organizations, and cultures, or to reduce it even further to a purely biochemical phenomenon, is so terribly reductionistic as to disempower the very people who need help changing their lives, not just their brain chemistry. It’s true: You are more than your biochemistry.

You can learn more when you visit my website: www.yapko.com. When visiting, be sure to sign up to receive my free bi-monthly newsletter.

New Growth

Leslie — Sun, 31 May 2009 12:24:36 +0000

Right now in life I feel a lot like this tree. When we went to visit Tareak’s family in Australia we saw some of the devastation the fires caused. Even though it had only been a couple of months since the fires, there was already life growing from the burnt logs and trees.

I was a burnt tree. There wasn’t any visible life left in me. I couldn’t see the point in trying to repair something that seemed beyond hope. In the past month I have felt the stirrings of life inside of me and it has now sprouted to the point it is visible to others. I am able to get out of bed without any internal resistance. I feel like I have more energy. My relationship with Tareak has significantly improved. Overall I just feel BETTER! So what has changed?

While in Australia I noticed something for the first time. In conversations with others, I had very little to say about myself or my experiences. I did have a lot to say about Tareak though. My curiosity was peaked and I began to do some research. I started seeing words and phrases like, “Codependence”, “White Knight Syndrome”, “Obsessive Love”, “Overdependence”. Basically what I was seeing is that I had a low self-worth. This is different from self-esteem. Because I didn’t see much worth in myself, it became easy to put anything and everything before my own wants and NEEDS. I had convinced myself that by completely focusing on the needs and wants of others I could find self worth and they would value me because I had helped them so much. The more I read, the more I realized this is a serious condition. It is a disease. An addiction. “Oh Great!” I thought, “Just another ailment to add to my list”. I’ve read three books on the subject now, and have learned that while it is a serious condition, it is treatable. This is where the stirrings of hope and new life began.

My allergies this year have seemed worse than usual. During all waking hours I am an itchy sniffly mess. My sister suggested acupuncture for allergies and I thought “Why not? Nothing else is working.” I found an acupuncturist that specializes in getting rid of allergies. I went to my appointment with zero expectations. I found that she actually uses a technique called “NAET” which is a mixture of acupuncture, kinesthetics, chiropractics, etc… Had I researched the technique ahead of time I would have never made the appointment because the results sound too good to be true. I have only had 2 appointment and have been treated for my allergy to eggs and lactose. NAET suggests that most ailments are caused by underlying allergies in the body and if those allergies are eliminated the ailment will clear up. It claims to heal depression, anxiety, OCD, and a huge list of other problems. Had I not seen the definite improvements after my two appointments I would be skeptical, but now I have hope. The idea of being allergy free is more than I ever thought possible.

It is almost summer. We have had a warm and sunny spring. The sun is healing. The sun makes me happy to get out of bed. I have also been taking Vitamin D supplements for a month and have noticed a change in my mood. I don’t know if it is just the weather, or if the Vitamin D is helping, but I have no complaints either way.

Between learning about co-dependence, how to treat my allergies and the healing effects of the sun and Vitamin D, I am feeling good. I still have several books to read on my conditions, but I think I am off to a good start. Hopefully you won’t even recognize me in a few months. Instead of a burnt stump I will be a huge green tree oozing with new life.

Australia trip

Tareak — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 12:27:05 +0000

Leslie and I are having a great time in Australia. She genuinely looks and seems happier right now. The change in environment and spending more time with me may have contributed? I think the big thing is that we have a plan for the next three years. That plan is really simple and realistic. The thing that stresses Leslie out the most is our mortgage, or rather it is the thing that stresses me out the most which then stresses her out. The idea that my mortgage will take thirty years to pay off really bothers me, but since I’ve been in Australia I have worked out a new financial plan that will allow me to pay the house off in about 8 years. That idea really excites me and Leslie has noticed an improvement in my countenance. I don’t realize how my moods affect Leslie and it’s something I’m going to really have to work on. She has enough to worry about and doesn’t need me stressing out over our finances to make things worse, especially since we are not in a bad situation like so many people out there.

Leslie has been working with me here in Australia to help me understand her a lot better. Understanding her more deeply will help our relationship grow. It will help me better understand how I can help her best eliminate depression from her life so she can be that vibrant and happy woman that I know is waiting to escape her mental prison.