All Entries Tagged With: "self esteem"
New Growth
Right now in life I feel a lot like this tree. When we went to visit Tareak’s family in Australia we saw some of the devastation the fires caused. Even though it had only been a couple of months since the fires, there was already life growing from the burnt logs and trees.
I was a burnt tree. There wasn’t any visible life left in me. I couldn’t see the point in trying to repair something that seemed beyond hope. In the past month I have felt the stirrings of life inside of me and it has now sprouted to the point it is visible to others. I am able to get out of bed without any internal resistance. I feel like I have more energy. My relationship with Tareak has significantly improved. Overall I just feel BETTER! So what has changed?
While in Australia I noticed something for the first time. In conversations with others, I had very little to say about myself or my experiences. I did have a lot to say about Tareak though. My curiosity was peaked and I began to do some research. I started seeing words and phrases like, “Codependence”, “White Knight Syndrome”, “Obsessive Love”, “Overdependence”. Basically what I was seeing is that I had a low self-worth. This is different from self-esteem. Because I didn’t see much worth in myself, it became easy to put anything and everything before my own wants and NEEDS. I had convinced myself that by completely focusing on the needs and wants of others I could find self worth and they would value me because I had helped them so much. The more I read, the more I realized this is a serious condition. It is a disease. An addiction. “Oh Great!” I thought, “Just another ailment to add to my list”. I’ve read three books on the subject now, and have learned that while it is a serious condition, it is treatable. This is where the stirrings of hope and new life began.
My allergies this year have seemed worse than usual. During all waking hours I am an itchy sniffly mess. My sister suggested acupuncture for allergies and I thought “Why not? Nothing else is working.” I found an acupuncturist that specializes in getting rid of allergies. I went to my appointment with zero expectations. I found that she actually uses a technique called “NAET” which is a mixture of acupuncture, kinesthetics, chiropractics, etc… Had I researched the technique ahead of time I would have never made the appointment because the results sound too good to be true. I have only had 2 appointment and have been treated for my allergy to eggs and lactose. NAET suggests that most ailments are caused by underlying allergies in the body and if those allergies are eliminated the ailment will clear up. It claims to heal depression, anxiety, OCD, and a huge list of other problems. Had I not seen the definite improvements after my two appointments I would be skeptical, but now I have hope. The idea of being allergy free is more than I ever thought possible.
It is almost summer. We have had a warm and sunny spring. The sun is healing. The sun makes me happy to get out of bed. I have also been taking Vitamin D supplements for a month and have noticed a change in my mood. I don’t know if it is just the weather, or if the Vitamin D is helping, but I have no complaints either way.
Between learning about co-dependence, how to treat my allergies and the healing effects of the sun and Vitamin D, I am feeling good. I still have several books to read on my conditions, but I think I am off to a good start. Hopefully you won’t even recognize me in a few months. Instead of a burnt stump I will be a huge green tree oozing with new life.