I was taking the following daily to help with depression:

Vitamin C- 1000 mg
Vitamin D- 1000 iu
Fish Oil- 2000 mg

The sun has now hidden itself away until next year, and so I hesitantly decided to do an experiment.  I am still taking 15mg daily of Paxil, but as of 3 weeks ago I have stopped taking everything else.  Tareak and I haven’t noticed any changes in mood or behavior.  As much as I’d like to think they were helping, it seems as though they weren’t doing much.

About three months ago I started taking 2000 mg daily of N-acetylcysteine, for trichotillomania.  Unfortunately I didn’t notice any changes or improvements in my trichotillomania.  I was very hopeful that it would be the breakthrough I needed, but considering there is no cure for trichotillomania to date, I’m not surprised that it didn’t help.

I plan to start seeing a counselor early next year and may try switching to or adding Wellbutrin.  My depression is currently under control, but I still feel like I am just “surviving”, and not really living.

I asked Leslie a week ago or so if she was depressed and she said no. I would have to affirm that statement.  She hasn’t been acting depressed and I haven’t felt it effecting my moods negatively at all. She has been visibly happier which really puts a smile on my face.  Is the journey still going to be difficult, you bet but at least we are heading in the right direction. I believe eliminating just 50% of her allergies will increase her ability to manage her depression.  With her new found discoveries of codependency she is working at adjusting the way she thinks so she can become mentally stronger.  I don’t know the role the sun plays in all of this but I know it helps so bring it on.

I’m hoping to have her completly cured of everthing by Christmas……is that to optimistic?

I was a burnt tree.  There wasn’t any visible life left in me.  I couldn’t see the point in trying to repair something that seemed beyond hope.  In the past month I have felt the stirrings of life inside of me and it has now sprouted to the point it is visible to others.  I am able to get out of bed without any internal resistance.  I feel like I have more energy.  My relationship with Tareak has significantly improved.  Overall I just feel BETTER!  So what has changed?

While in Australia I noticed something for the first time.  In conversations with others, I had very little to say about myself or my experiences.  I did have a lot to say about Tareak though.  My curiosity was peaked and I began to do some research.  I started seeing words and phrases like, “Codependence”, “White Knight Syndrome”, “Obsessive Love”, “Overdependence”.  Basically what I was seeing is that I had a low self-worth.  This is different from self-esteem.  Because I didn’t see much worth in myself, it became easy to put anything and everything before my own wants and NEEDS.  I had convinced myself that by completely focusing on the needs and wants of others I could find self worth and they would value me because I had helped them so much.  The more I read, the more I realized this is a serious condition.  It is a disease.  An addiction.  “Oh Great!”  I thought, “Just another ailment to add to my list”.  I’ve read three books on the subject now, and have learned that while it is a serious condition, it is treatable.  This is where the stirrings of hope and new life began.

My allergies this year have seemed worse than usual.  During all waking hours I am an itchy sniffly mess.  My sister suggested acupuncture for allergies and I thought “Why not?  Nothing else is working.”  I found an acupuncturist that specializes in getting rid of allergies.  I went to my appointment with zero expectations.  I found that she actually uses a technique called “NAET” which is a mixture of acupuncture, kinesthetics, chiropractics, etc…  Had I researched the technique ahead of time I would have never made the appointment because the results sound too good to be true.  I have only had 2 appointment and have been treated for my allergy to eggs and lactose.  NAET suggests that most ailments are caused by underlying allergies in the body and if those allergies are eliminated the ailment will clear up.  It claims to heal depression, anxiety, OCD, and a huge list of other problems.  Had I not seen the definite improvements after my two appointments I would be skeptical, but now I have hope.  The idea of being allergy free is more than I ever thought possible.

It is almost summer.  We have had a warm and sunny spring.  The sun is healing.  The sun makes me happy to get out of bed.  I have also been taking Vitamin D supplements for a month and have noticed a change in my mood.  I don’t know if it is just the weather, or if the Vitamin D is helping, but I have no complaints either way.

Between learning about co-dependence, how to treat my allergies and the healing effects of the sun and Vitamin D, I am feeling good.  I still have several books to read on my conditions, but I think I am off to a good start.  Hopefully you won’t even recognize me in a few months.  Instead of a burnt stump I will be a huge green tree oozing with new life.

I always knew that I felt better when I had a regular dose of sun, but I never knew why.  It is because my body has been craving Vitamin D most of my life.  On the Vitamin D Council website there is a section that addresses the possibility that Vitamin D could help with depression.  It does state though, “nothing could be a crueler message than to tell those suffering from major depression that physiological amounts of vitamin D will cure it.“  There are no conclusive studies that have been done with depression, but there are many indicators that Vitamin D can indeed help.
“Evidence suggests that vitamin D may help mood but that evidence is not conclusive. (Remember, the way our medical literature system works, scientists often do not publish negative studies). The two positive studies above used vitamin D to treat seasonal affective disorder, not major depression. We were unable to find any studies in the literature in which patients with depression were treated with enough natural sunlight, artificial sunlight or plain old cholecalciferol to raise their levels to 35 ng/mL or higher. We all know how we feel after a week at the beach, but is that bright light, vitamin D, or something else?”

Since reading the studies highlighted on the Vitamin D Council website I have been going tanning regularly for the past few weeks.  I have been going only once or twice a week for just 10 minutes, but the days that I go I see an improvement in my mood and am usually more productive those days.  I may start taking Vitamin D supplements as well, but research suggests that more Vitamin D is absorbed by being in the actual sun than though the use of supplements.  For now I’ll risk getting skin cancer and just enjoy the fake sun.