Feeling sad or down

Feeling hopeless

Crying spells for no apparent reason

Problems sleeping

Trouble focusing or concentrating

Difficulty making decisions

Unintentional weight gain or loss

Irritability

Restlessness

Being easily annoyed

Feeling fatigued or weak

Feeling worthless

Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain
or headaches

I don’t know how I let this happen- AGAIN!  I thought I had everything under control despite all of the major life changes occurring right now.  It makes me wonder if it was the Wellbutrin that was helping me, or if it was the fact that I was getting my house ready to sell and I was BUSY.

I am in limbo right now, living in the room above my parents garage.  We are waiting to find out when Tareak can be transferred to Georgia where we can start a new life.  He is doing a temporary job with his company right now and he is working 12-15 hour days.  He hasn’t had a day off in a month, including weekends.  I’m not used to him being gone so much.  I feel bad for Tareak.  He gets home after a long day of work and just wants to relax with me, but I am beyond BLAH and don’t know why.  I don’t like it at all and I take out all my frustrations on him when he gets home.

I’ve felt myself slipping for the past couple weeks, but today I finally admitted to myself that I have re-entered the world of depression.  Instead of feeling the dread of knowing what is coming, I just feel angry.  I’m angry that I didn’t see this coming.  I’m angry that there is nothing I could have done to prevent the depression from coming back.  I’m angry with Tareak’s company for putting us in this position.  I’m angry I can’t just snap myself out of this.  I’m angry that all I want to do is curl up in bed and never wake up, but I can’t even fall asleep.  I’m angry that depression is a disease and not just a passing mood.  I’m angry that my magic purple pill (Wellbutrin) isn’t working miracles on me.  In other words, I’m just plain angry with Depression.

This article described a small study done with 50 people.  They used an over-the-counter antioxidant called N-acetylcysteine to assist in the treatment of trichotillomania symptoms.  There was an over 50% success rate in comparison to the 16% success rate in the group receiving the placebo. N-acetylcysteine (abbreviated NAC), is a pharmaceutical drug used mainly as a Mucolytic agent and in the management of paracetamol (acetaminophen) overdose, but it has shown to be somewhat effective in treating OCD and is undergoing clinical trials.

The article “theorizes that trichotillomania may be a kind of grooming irregularity that falls into the obsessive-compulsive family of disorders. “Some parrots pull out all their feathers,” he says. “Some mice pull out all their fur.”"

“That may explain why the antioxidant N-acetylcysteine can help prevent it. The compound is thought to work by reducing the synaptic release of a neurotransmitter called glutamate. As Grant told me, glutamate is the communication chemical that “tells the brain, ‘Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!’ And the rest of the brain can be overwhelmed by this drive state.” Reduce glutamate and you may reduce the drive state. Previous studies have suggested the supplement may also reduce urges to use cocaine and to gamble.”

My trichotillomania symptoms had been getting worse since getting a puppy.  My stress levels have been considerably higher and I’ve been functioning on less sleep.  About 2 weeks ago Tareak and I picked up some NAC and I’ve been taking it daily.  I probably won’t notice any difference for another couple months, but hopefully it will help!