All Entries Tagged With: "Techniques"
New Growth
Right now in life I feel a lot like this tree. When we went to visit Tareak’s family in Australia we saw some of the devastation the fires caused. Even though it had only been a couple of months since the fires, there was already life growing from the burnt logs and trees.
I was a burnt tree. There wasn’t any visible life left in me. I couldn’t see the point in trying to repair something that seemed beyond hope. In the past month I have felt the stirrings of life inside of me and it has now sprouted to the point it is visible to others. I am able to get out of bed without any internal resistance. I feel like I have more energy. My relationship with Tareak has significantly improved. Overall I just feel BETTER! So what has changed?
While in Australia I noticed something for the first time. In conversations with others, I had very little to say about myself or my experiences. I did have a lot to say about Tareak though. My curiosity was peaked and I began to do some research. I started seeing words and phrases like, “Codependence”, “White Knight Syndrome”, “Obsessive Love”, “Overdependence”. Basically what I was seeing is that I had a low self-worth. This is different from self-esteem. Because I didn’t see much worth in myself, it became easy to put anything and everything before my own wants and NEEDS. I had convinced myself that by completely focusing on the needs and wants of others I could find self worth and they would value me because I had helped them so much. The more I read, the more I realized this is a serious condition. It is a disease. An addiction. “Oh Great!” I thought, “Just another ailment to add to my list”. I’ve read three books on the subject now, and have learned that while it is a serious condition, it is treatable. This is where the stirrings of hope and new life began.
My allergies this year have seemed worse than usual. During all waking hours I am an itchy sniffly mess. My sister suggested acupuncture for allergies and I thought “Why not? Nothing else is working.” I found an acupuncturist that specializes in getting rid of allergies. I went to my appointment with zero expectations. I found that she actually uses a technique called “NAET” which is a mixture of acupuncture, kinesthetics, chiropractics, etc… Had I researched the technique ahead of time I would have never made the appointment because the results sound too good to be true. I have only had 2 appointment and have been treated for my allergy to eggs and lactose. NAET suggests that most ailments are caused by underlying allergies in the body and if those allergies are eliminated the ailment will clear up. It claims to heal depression, anxiety, OCD, and a huge list of other problems. Had I not seen the definite improvements after my two appointments I would be skeptical, but now I have hope. The idea of being allergy free is more than I ever thought possible.
It is almost summer. We have had a warm and sunny spring. The sun is healing. The sun makes me happy to get out of bed. I have also been taking Vitamin D supplements for a month and have noticed a change in my mood. I don’t know if it is just the weather, or if the Vitamin D is helping, but I have no complaints either way.
Between learning about co-dependence, how to treat my allergies and the healing effects of the sun and Vitamin D, I am feeling good. I still have several books to read on my conditions, but I think I am off to a good start. Hopefully you won’t even recognize me in a few months. Instead of a burnt stump I will be a huge green tree oozing with new life.
Living with Depression
I have been living and coping with depression for over 2 years now and I am happy to say it’s getting easier. I must confess the depression is not mine but my wife’s. She has suffered from it most of her life and after being married for a year I have been making a conscious effort to understand the symptoms that cause this debilitating condition. We have been learning about cognitive behavioral techniques that Leslie can do to challenge her belief systems and hopefully tame those thoughts that cause depressive reactions. So far I am happy to report that she is making progress. The rain has come and although this usually causes depressions face to appear more frequently she seems to be handling it well. Better than last year that’s for sure. The best part is that she is noticing in herself a change and feels positive about it. A small victory it is and one worth celebrating. May be its just me being optimistic but I can envision her completely in charge of her condition and capable of functioning without these suppressing conditions.
In all reality it is going to take some time for Leslie to master the different conditions that she suffers from. I have always told her that she was blessed with great intelligence yet at the same time she was given a few mental challenges that she would need to master before she can tap into that intelligence in its entirety. She will continue to show progress as long as we continue to stick with our self education on over coming depression and other mental disorders. This is something I am committed to as she is my best friend and companion and I believe in her.
Crocheting keeps the hands busy
Leslie has identified the occasions when she is most likely to feel the urges of trichotillomania. The urges usually occur when she is reading (which she does a lot of) and when she is watching TV. I’m usually not around or have already gone to bed when she is doing these activities, and can’t monitor her or point out to her what’s happening. We decided to get her some of those rubber things people put on their fingers when they are sorting through papers. We got enough for all her fingers and this little trick works when she’s wearing them, however getting her to wear them is a challenge in and of itself. Recently Leslie started trying out a new technique for when she’s watching TV. Crochet. It keeps her hands busy and I think this technique is awesome. Time will tell if this new skill will help break the mental pull of Trichotillomania.
As bad as it sounds I love this disorder as benefits me so much. It like we have a symbiotic relationship except I don’t benefit her as much as she benefits me. I know the relationship is not yet equal but I’m working on it. More education and renewed vigilance on my part will hopefully help Leslie bring this disorder under control. I did get her to stop her life-long habit of biting her nails though, and she has been “clean” for the past 3 years. One disorder down and twenty or so to go.
You may be a Rock but I move Mountains
I was telling Leslie today after reading her blog that it’s so insightful and helps me understand her better when she expresses what she’s going through in writing. She tries to explain it to me but I’m a little slow of learning and reading her thoughts gives me a chance to truly digest the emotion and feelings she must go through every day. As I study about depression and learn techniques that will help Leslie control her depression it has helped me feel more empathetic and loving towards her. I must admit that at times I catch myself thinking that I’m supporting a lazy person and that she needs to do more. I love the fact that financially my wife does not need to go to work. That leaves her with all the time in the world to make our home a beautiful and inviting place to be and she can develop her own interests while preparing to start a family. You can call me old fashioned or a chauvinist, that is completely your choice but I loved growing up watching my father take care of our financial needs while my mother took care of the home and us kids. They had a great system, one that I want to adopt and customize with Leslie.
It has taken some time for me to accept that she is struggling with something that scares the crap out of me and to which I have limited understanding. In light of that realization it falls upon me as a loving husband to do whatever it takes to help her help herself in mastering her mental condition and rise above her perceived mental weaknesses. I don’t care how long it takes and if in ten years Leslie’s ability to control her depression is only 5% improved then that’s a victory in my book, as long as she is always challenging herself and trying to conquer her mind paralyzing disorder. How do you move a mountain? One rock at a time. Do I feel up to the challenge? Well, once I moved a big pile of dirt with a wheel barrow and it took a few hours, so I figure a mountain may take awhile. I’d better pick up the pace.
One of the things that attracted me to Leslie was her extreme intelligence and ease at which she can do many things. She is gifted and endowed with numerous talents that I dream of having. Well now I have access to them but they are locked away most days due to the crippling effects of depression. When on occasion those talents are unleashed their affect on me is extremely positive and I get to learn and grow. Leslie has a fantastic ability to help people want to be better and If I can help her master her weaknesses then all those talents will have a chance to be explored and developed benefiting mostly me (I know I’m selfish) and all those around her.
Leslie often feels like she is a burden to me but in reality I try to work hard so that I don’t feel like I’m a burden to her. She has been a wonderful wife and most of all a friend who has strengthened so many weak areas of my life. She deserves a lot of credit for motivating me to be a better person and work towards a better future. If she was an optimist she probably would have figured that out by now.